Sleepless in Spokane 

My ex wife's brothers suicide is haunting me and my thoughts. I could not and would not ever do such a thing. The way my ex left me in the manner she did, did almost kill me though. I started giving up and letting go. If not for the help of church and my Dr. I would have made it. I love life and the experience of it all. The reality of what could have happened to me is hitting home. That would have made three of us husbands, my ex wife's family had eight kids, dead in less than two years time. I am unable to sleep, these thoughts and memories are hard to put away. I am still having bouts of uncontrollable tears too. I am tired and need rest, I need to fly away, from lonliness and this unending winter weather we are having. I need warmth, white sand and the sound of the ocean might take me where I can rest, but I would still wake up alone. I could change that if I could just stop being so blue, it is hard to do that when all this terrible stuff keeps going on though. Makes me wonder how the Kennedy's have survived, whats left of them.