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Friends With the Ex: It is Possible! 


You may think that there is no way you can ever be friends with your ex, but surprisingly,some divorcing couples, even those who have been through bitter, nasty divorces, have been able to repair some of the damage and become friends again.

 I recently heard of a couple who went through a difficult divorce years ago. Neither of them ever imagined at the time that they would be able to be friends again. They now live on the same street, both are remarried and get together frequently with the new spouses.

 Another divorced woman I know has her ex-husband over for coffee several times a week. My former mother in law, after being divorced for 13 years, took her ex-husband in when he was dying of cancer and cared for him up until his death. Stories like theses give us hope that just maybe we can put the bitterness and hurt feelings from the past behind us and be able to get along again with our ex-spouses.

In these examples, it took years for the couples to become friends again. Another factor to consider is that these couples are now in their 60's and 70's, so maybe time does heal all wounds. Right now the only thing you may feel for your ex is hatred and anger and the thought of being his friend seems impossible. But give yourself time to work through your emotions. Friendship with the ex may not be possible right now, but you never know what the future holds.

Find out the three things you must do to protect yourself during divorce...
by Christina-Rowe  298 Posts 

Posted on 4/18/2008 10:02 PM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
Sent to Friendsend to friend
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Tags: divorce advice , divorce advice for women , divorce information , divorce recovery
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Comments for "Friends With the Ex: It is Possible!"  (5) (You must be logged in to answer)
"..." - I do apologize for any confusion.

I seem to know who and what I am but real has been more difficult as of late. I do look forward to the additional time that the future may impact on me revealing with each passing day more of the individual I am to my self and to others. Ironically, the intial post holds true at all times; and, I take no comfort or joy in exercising the reality of an ideal. My soon-to-be ex spouse was able to demonstrate why things between us are as they are; and, although I do question our inability to communicate, I know that I take all necessary steps to maintain communication between us. I am left with all responsibilities of details for both parties; and, when somehow I have oversight on a particular matter, any lacking attention to details executed correctly is my doing to sabotage a process. Oh well, I know this is not the case, that I am human, that I readily admit flaw; and, that is very difficult to remain civil with a former partner that refuses to take responsibility for their own action or decisions. The disconnect process continues and I do look at each day with great anticipation knowing that I will do my best. I am like that and it is inherent to my character. I do not have all the answers, I just have my answers. Period.

Rant and vent done... ;-)
by bp   1239 Posts
Posted on 4/21/2008 1:34 PM
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I meant real self - as in real boy - like Pinocchio.  : )
by Mb   426 Posts
Posted on 4/21/2008 2:06 AM
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"...real self..." - The image was lost somewhere in the upload process and the original is at my office; hence, the d360 will work for now.

The puppies are in along with the fact that they are in great shape and health; unfortunately, momma (...bp...) is tired from their adjustment and mine. Ironically, I have the puppies sleeping at this moment, my daughter along with my niece are with me on a weekend in which normally I would not see either of them; and, their mothers are most likely enjoying their time at this moment with activities of their own. I am just going with the flow of consideration on their part since this has not happened in many, many months. Thank you for the offer to help... I am not sure when I will need some but I do recognize that I am in over my head; and, in retrospect, it seems similar to when I had all for females in the house from years past.
by bp   1239 Posts
Posted on 4/20/2008 11:50 AM
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Mine just recently said this to me in an e-mail "I want to work to be the closest we can be and continue to be able to rely on each other." 
It was all I could do to not send a big huge ROFLMAO over and over to him.   Boy - I would have liked to have done that closeness work when it counted  --- like during our marriage.  I do acknowledge that he looks at all of this from such a different angle.  I also think maybe someday we could be.  I just have such a hard time being friends with someone who lies to me all the time.  There is that trust issue bp is talking about.  Maybe someday.  Anything is possible I suppose.
BTW - bp - where is your real self?  Why did you take it down?  AND weren't you to pick up your pups today?  I hope all went well and you are enjoying them.  Holler if you need any ideas!  : )
by Mb   426 Posts
Posted on 4/20/2008 3:32 AM
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"...friends..." - There are two inherent aspects of a friendship, from my perspective, that are also needed in a marriage: commitment and trust. And, since these are lacking in our marriage, I do not see that my soon-to-be ex spouse and I can remotely establish a friendship with one another. I know that she has asked this of me and I acknowledge her request on a superficial level but I know in my heart I will never give her the opportunity; hence, the friendship is sabotaged from the beginning.
by bp   1239 Posts
Posted on 4/19/2008 8:55 AM
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