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Staying Together For the Kids Isn't Always A Good Idea

I've always wondered why people would stay together "for the kids." I'd rather have my kids see that I was happy and separated from someone I could not be with or no longer loved, than miserable (or pretending to be happy) with their father just to portray or fabricate some contrived happy family. Here's why.

First off, kids are always smarter than we give them credit for. Children - unjaded by age or cultural bias - are often far more intuitive than some adults. They know when their mother or father is unhappy.

I grew up with two wholesome happy parents who claimed to love each other, yet they always fought. I never saw them kiss, hug, hold hands, or say I love you. They acted like a pair of siblings who didn't get along rather than husband and wife. When I was 25 my mother admitted that she and my father had only stayed together for my sake.

I didn't like this at all. First, it puts a lot of pressure on the child. Basically, I heard my mother saying that I was the reason she and my father had stayed unhappily together for 35 years. Gee, thanks. I didn't want that on my conscience. I still don't.

I'm no expert, but what I am trying to convey to couples with children who are afraid that divorcing could ruin their child's upbringing is that there are right ways of divorcing and wrong ways, when it comes to your kids. If you stay together when you don't want to, your children will - sooner or later - sense your unhappiness, and it will reflect on them. Children don't only copy what their parents do to them, but also what they do to themselves, and each other.

by AndreaNostramo 173 Posts

Posted on 3/7/2008 2:42 PM

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Tags: kids , "staying together for the kids" , staying together , divorce ,
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Comments for "Staying Together For the Kids Isn't Always A Good Idea" (1) (You must be logged in to answer)

Amen to everything you said! Not only that BUT it is better for them to see no relationship thana bad one.

by mtnvly 3539 Posts
Posted on 3/10/2008 12:19 PM

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Staying Together For the Kids Isn't Always A Good Idea

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