401k and My Divorce 

When my divorce finally came up in court, I was so tired of lawyers and paperwork and fighting and he said/she said I could barely hold my head up.  My stomach was in knots and I thought I was going to pass out when I walked into the courtroom.  We went into a little conference room first, the ex, I, our attorneys, and the people we'd brought for moral support. 

My attorney(and I use that term loosely) was obviously not in the mood to work that day, because he sat there and let me give my share of our retirement away.  Yes, he didn't even raise a hand when the ex's lawyer stated his case for why ex should retain the 401k.  The ex's argument?  I kept the money two years ago we had saved to take our daughter to  national dance competition she had qualified for in Florida.  Why did I keep that money?  Well, I took our daughter to that dance competition, of course.  And I had the reciepts, her trophy, and a video of her performance to prove it.  I was also still living in our marital home.  The one that was overfinanced by thirty thousand dollars because of credit card debt.  Did my attorney know these things?  Yes.  And still he let them bully me into giving up my share of the 401k.

The biggest piece of advice I can give to you, even if you have representation, is to research the laws yourself.  Ask questions.  Know the standards for dividing marital assets for your state.  Don't leave your future, your children's future, and your golden years in someone else's hands.  They might not feel like working that day.