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Should You Try A Trial Separation Before Getting A Divorce? 

I always thought a trial separation was something court ordered by a judge to those abusive couples you see on Cops.  Apparently, it's something entirely different.  Some couples say it saved them from going through the pain of divorce, while others say that it made them realize how wrong for each other they were.  I think it can be an excellent way to get some space, and some much needed clarity.

Reasons your marriage can benefit from a trial separation:

1.  You might just need to cool down.
How many times do you get into a huge fight with your spouse where you screamed, yelled, insulted his mother, threw your shoe at him, poured soup in his lap, and then said, "I want a divorce!" only to regret it three seconds after the words escaped your lips.  What, no one's done that?  Well, me either.  My point is this: sometimes in the midst of a heated argument you say things you regret and think the marriage has reached its fatal end.  Chances are, you and your spouse may just need a cooling off period.  Take a few days to cool off; go stay with your sister, and let him complain about you to his buddies.  Chances are, you'll either realize how much you missed each other, or you won't.  Either way you'll know what's up.

2.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Seventeenth century French writer Comte Debussy-Rabutin once wrote, "Absence is to love what wind is to fire, it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."  Simply put?  If your relationship is strong, time apart will only make it stronger.  If your relationship is weak, time apart will only weaken it further.  For a long time, the idea of marriage made me feel like I was drowning.  And I didn't even have a boyfriend.  The thought of living with someone 24/7, sharing everything with them, was too suffocating.  But being married doesn't mean you can't take some time for yourself.  Marriage counselors would suggest that couples have certain separate things, so that they don't get sick of each other. 

Also, a trial separation can show you that maybe a divorce isn't what you need.  You may realize that you miss the way your husband clips his toenails on the couch, or the way your wife snorts whenever she laughs.  Sometimes the things we hate or take for granted become sweet quirks when the person's not around.  Another benefit of trial separation: less paperwork.

by AndreaNostramo  173 Posts 

Posted on 2/23/2008 6:55 PM
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Tags: trial , separation , divorce , trial separation ,
cool off , absence , marriage
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Comments for "Should You Try A Trial Separation Before Getting A Divorce?"  (2) (You must be logged in to answer)

Well said, Andrea.  Separating gives you the space to feel your true feelings.  If you end up missing the other person, that's a sign to keep trying.  If you are continually relieved they are gone, well, that's another thing all together.  So many of us marry before we truly know who we are, and realize too late we are not compatible with the other person.  Not enough soul searching beforehand, and too much settling sometimes.  Separation can also give you a chance to be the person you've been stifling.....and THAT person might just be the difference in saving your marriage.  I've had friends that just needed a breather, and were so much better together with their spouse after figuring themselves out.  It all comes down to doing what's best for you and your spouse and family, and blocking out all the naysayers and other pressures.  Love yourself, and then you can love others.
by elane   348 Posts
Posted on 11/3/2008 10:00 PM

wellllll the way he treated me is nonforgivable and he was all for leaving me in his confused state whats to say hed do it again ( midlife crisis)? bull i didnt do  it when i was looking to see if this was what i wanted i figured id do what i have to do when the time comes but im not waiting for him to do it first and when i had him stay at his dads he was still talking to her go figure that one out and says i make him happy butttttt ( he says hes afraid to  let me go because he feels me and my daughter r his only family he has?????????? hes not close to his family and they r down here in florida i dont want a man to hang on for that reason let me go to enjoy my life not to pacify his own !!!
by bonnie01_46224   16 Posts
Posted on 11/3/2008 9:53 PM

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