TALKING DIVORCE SETTLEMENT WITH YOUR HUSBAND: Should you trust him? 

Ladies, you must remember the person who is sitting across from you at the kitchen table talking to you about his idea of a fair divorce settlement will soon be your ex spouse.  There is no longer a team mentality, he does not have your best interest at heart no matter what he says and how good it may sound. 

I have heard from too many women who regret signing a divorce settlement because they realized after the fact that they were taken advantage of.  It seems to happen in one of three ways.

  !. They believe their soon to be ex was really on their side and trying to do the right thing by them,  plus they were going to save so much in legal fees.

2.  They were bullied into an agreement through fear and intimidation. 

3.  The whole process was so uncomfortable they signed a deal that didn't seem fair but they just wanted to get it over with.  

One big piece of advice if you are talking with your husband about settlement: 

LISTEN TO WHAT THEY SAY AND THEN REPLY:  I'LL GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT.     

This is your life and the stakes are too high, do not settle or trust his words until you talk with a professional.  Im not saying that you can't work it out together, avoiding a financial and legal train wreck is important and possible but you can't do it all alone.  Legal representation is expensive but you need to know what your rights are and what you are entitiled to in your state. 

If finances is a problem and you have little money to consult with a lawyer consider these two options.  At your local court house in the family court division, there maybe a lawyer on staff who charges by the half hour.  For a reasonable fee you can go in with your questions to get information to help you make informed decisions about your future.

You can also interview lawyers to see if they would agree to be your lawyer on call.  In other words, you tell them you can't afford to give them a retainer but would like to hire them for advice on an hourly basis as you work the details out with your husband.  They will be able to tell you if your spouse is trying to take advantage of you or not.  You need to find the right lawyer to do this who will be honest and not take advantage of you as well.

Im not saying couples can't work this out together but you still need a professional on your side to let you know if what is on the table is fair.  Besides lawyers, a great option is for both of you to hire a professional mediator.  Mediation is a great option that can save thousands of dollars in legal fees.  They will be able to tell you what your divorce results may look like if you went in front of a judge based on your states laws. Try to find one that was a judge or family divorce lawyer in your county.  They will be more money but worth it, they charge by the hour.  If you can afford to have your lawyer there as well it's a good idea.

I am not a believer in getting involved in a legal nightmare, but you don't want to go in putting all your eggs in the basket thinking your soon to be ex spouse is going to do the right thing by you.  Listen to what they say and then get the advice from an expert.  Never agree or sign anything until you get the professional advice you need.

The last thing you want to do is look back as you are struggling financially feeling like you were played a fool.  Be strong and get what you need and what is likely based on the laws in your state.  Allimony, child support , child custody and the division of your marital estate, too many things to risk without the right information.  If you are in an abusive situtaion the courts can offer rellief.  You are not trapped by your circumstance, get what you deserve.

Amy Botwinick
Divorce Diva
womenmovingon.com