Prenuptial Agreements: Right or Rude? 

Picture it: you meet a guy who’s just wonderful. He’s everything you ever dreamed of and you can’t believe how lucky you are.  Then one day things escalate and he pops the question; you swoon and say yes.  Then he hands you some papers and says, “Here just sign these real quick.” 

Prenuptial agreements are documents that people who are entering into a marriage sign to ensure certain separation legalities in case divorce occurs.  A common agreement is that if one person commits adultery, he/she is not entitled to anything in the divorce.  I heard that back when Melanie Griffith was getting married to Don Johnson, their prenuptial agreement stated that he would remain faithful to her as long as she didn’t gain weight, (offensive maybe, but I bet it served as a good diet!).

These seemingly intrusive documents have saved people from losing their most important assets, but would you be offended if your significant other asked you for one?  I thought about it, and I couldn’t come to an answer.  I figured I’d ask around.

The answers were split down the middle.  About half the women I asked said that they wouldn’t be offended.  And when they made their case, I agreed.  In this day and age, with the divorce rate being what it is, maybe it’s silly to think that you and your spouse are definitely going to be the ones who make it forever.  Maybe a prenup isn’t meant to be an offensive gesture, nor is it meant to be an unspoken symbol of mistrust.  Perhaps it’s just the way people today plan for their future.  I thought I had reached a decision. Prenups are OK.

Then there was the other half.  About half of the women I asked felt that prenuptial agreements were more than just a mood killer.  If you really love and trust the person you’re with, why is a prenup necessary?  Even if they are planning for the future, isn’t a prenuptial agreement basically saying, Hey if somewhere down the line we don’t last, I don’t want you to have half my stuff?  One woman said that it’s insulting even to entertain the idea that the relationship may not last.  She did have a point.  When you’re getting married, the last thing you want to do is think “what if we don’t make it?”.  I’d be self-conscious and insulted if my husband said “what if we don’t last?”  I’d think, “Why, do you not see yourself with me forever?” It was settled: prenups are NOT okay.

I was STILL torn.  I didn’t get to ask a lot of men, and most of the ones I did ask were very indifferent.  It seemed to me to be more of a women’s issue.  And so I thought about it some more.  Was it offensive?  Did it imply a lack of trust?  Maybe it was simply an indication of a realistic mind and a smart plan for the future.  Were those women who felt offended by it just biased?  Maybe acknowledging that marriage doesn’t always last forever is too scary for some people.  Finally I came to a decision. 

There is one thing no one can deny, and that is the divorce rate.  And if something like half of all marriages end in divorce, and every couple goes around thinking that they’re the exception, about 50% of people are going to be wrong.  And also possibly lacking half their stuff.  If the idea of a prenup is offensive to you, it might depend on how your spouse or fiancé intends it.  If he/she doesn’t trust you, why would they be marrying you in the first place?  If I’d had several failed marriages, I may consider a prenup for the future.  Protecting ones assets may not be romantic, but it is realistic, and while I may not – of my own accord – request one of my [imaginary] fiancé, I wouldn’t decline one if one were presented to me.

What do you guys think? Prenups: right or rude?