Missing or Missing Outt  

I wrote this after going through my first holiday season after the divorce.  It is the toughest time of year for anyone who is going through a life changing event.  I hope it is helpful to those who are hurting this holiday season. 

It is at special times, a birthday, anniversary, or just the holiday season when the changes in our lives become like elephants in the room.  We can’t seem to stop thinking about the loved ones who are missing from our lives.  We are constantly dealing with how our lives have changed and how we are forced to live with the way things are.  There is no magic wand to make things how we wish they would be. We are taught from a young age how to acquire things but we have to learn on the fly what to do when we lose them.  We are all better educated in how to drive a car than we will ever be about death, divorce or other emotional losses.  When a loved one is missing from our lives, for any number of reasons, it is normal and natural to miss them and all the special things about them that made the relationship important, personal and emotional.  It is important to remember that people who are missing in our lives are never beyond our love.  We can still feel that love when we remember their smile, the things they loved to do, and the special way they touched our lives. We can make things difficult for ourselves when we become more focused on what we may be missing out on; rather than on cherishing the memory of the person who is missing.  When we begin to fantasize about the perfect life we would be living if nothing had changed, we are only kidding ourselves into thinking we no longer have to deal with the reality of what is.  Nothing is perfect and life is a struggle, change or no change.  Thinking we can mold life into the way we think it should be is foolhardy and dangerous to our health.  Iyanla Vanzant said “Everything ends exactly when it needs to end.  To grieve what you think you have missed or will miss is to doubt Divine Wisdom.  Grieve until you feel comforted enough to live in gratitude and without fear.  Grieve until you can accept what has happened without resistance.  Grieve until you can let go of what was, without forgetting all that is.  When you grieve in this way, you will realize you will not miss anything that is meant for you.”  Everyone has mixed emotions around the “holidays” and special family times throughout the year.  Before we know it, a New Year is upon us--new hope, new energy and new commitment.  We need to work hard so that we don’t miss the lessons, ignore the blessings or deny the truth about where we are in life.  Make the best of it, keep moving forward and you will get where you need to be. Work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been hurt and dance like nobody’s watching.

Happy Holidays to All!  Linda