a celebration of anticipation 

thank god it's monday. 

i know that's not how the line typically goes.  but frankly, (and i'm aware this admission puts me firmly in the bad parent category), ever since i had kids, i look forward to monday mornings like most people look forward to friday nights.  

i mean, i actually count down the hours.  

i get excited about tidying up the house and putting the kids clothes out for the next school morning, and checking homework assignments one last time, and zipping up book bags and matching up shoes with socks and packing lunches and snacks. 

sunday nights have evolved for me.   what was once an evening of groaning about what was coming up next week at the office, things i would hate to do and people i would need to avoid and meetings i would despise, has taken on a whole new light. 

bk (before kids), i would watch 60 minutes and eat a late dinner and casually lounge about the house complaining of not having enough time or money.   

pk (post kids) my sundays are a celebration of anticipation. i can't wait to get to work the next morning. i'm eager to be there.  i can't wait to sit and talk to adults and drink coffee and have adult conversation and not have to clean up every five seconds or yell at someone or worry that a coworker is going to kick the other coworker or put away all the scissors or push the hot coffee pot back a few inches away from the edge.    

i look forward to the rest and relaxation. i'm sure if my boss ever read this he would not be pleased to hear that i consider work restful and relaxing, and would probably immediately yell at me while piling on a ton of projects. 

but it's true.  work is a piece of cake compared to staying home and taking care of kids.   now i know others may disagree.  but i did the stay at home mom thing for awhile and lost my mind. 

i wanted to do it too. i was looking forward to being at home and raising my kids, i had plans...big art and crafts and baby and me plans.   but within five minutes of day one of stay at home land, i lost my mind. 

no blackberry to check...had to relinquish that to the H.R department.  no emails to read. no office gossip to share. no boss to avoid.   instead of useless meetings and endless birthday card signings, i was now faced with two little babies who N E E D E D. 

they needed everything imaginable and then some.  they needed attention and food and drink and toys and diaper changings and diaper changings and diaper changings.   

they threw things too.  nobody in the office ever threw things....at me....at my face....on purpose....and then laughed about it.  

they cried too.  that never happened at work.  i certainly didn't pick a coworker up over my shoulder and pat them on the back and sing to them for hours on end.  

it was endless. it was non stop. it was exhausting.   

it's a whole different skill set to be at home with kids versus in the office with adults. and while i've joked with my coworkers over the years that the only way to deal with men in the corporate america is to treat them like children, (and that is true), it's still different. 

adults rarely throw fits on the floor or stick paperclips in their mouths or pee in their pants.  

i've told friends and family that work is like a day at the spa compared to taking care of kids. some agree, some look at me funny.  

but it's a mental thing too. you use different parts of your brain (read: all)to care for kids.  the lack of adult conversation does something to you.  the endless physical demands is unbelievable. the worry is beyond description.  it's the hardest job there is and everyone who does it should get a check from the government for one hundred thousand dollars a year per kid.  it won't cover what the job is worth, but it's a start.

so, when friday afternoons come around and everyone starts saying 'thank god it's friday', i'm usually the only one who either doesn't respond or says something like 'ugh'.  

fridays are out. mondays are in.  

i don't feel like i have to explain how much i love my kids and all that..blah, blah, blah.   

i do.  

maybe it's because i had kids late, advanced maternal age and all....and i had become very comfortable with being selfish and lazy and not having to think about anything but going to home depot on saturdays to pick up new flowers and herbs.  

or maybe it's just my kids?..  maybe all of your kids are fabulous and wonderful and easy to care for.  

or maybe i just stink at motherhood?  i mean it is true i can't cook or clean very well, so maybe i lack some mother gene and where everyone else finds it easy and fun, i find it hard and not so fun?  

or maybe it's just doing it alone?  people tell me that. my married friends say that if i were married i would probably feel differently...that doing it all alone is hard.  they have help, and can take breaks and can sleep in and take turns taking care of the kids and take showers that last more than 13 seconds.  

i don't know.  but what i do know is that today is monday and it's fabulous.