Popping in a sugar coma inducing IV... and not getting dressed 

I feel sexy, sexy, sexy. At least in my own mind.  In reality, I am texting you from my somewhat messy home, dressed in pajamas I slept in.  I haven't had a bath today, and I slept on and off all day long.

I think I have eaten every snack in the house, including a delicious bavarian chocolate cake with cream filling.  I'm flying high on my sugar and soon I'll crash and go back to sleep.  My daughter is following suit, she has been running around in her JJs today.  She said she doesn't mind, that Mom needs to have a day off every now and then.

My whole plan of attack - eat well, exercise, and surround myself with friends who love me seems to be cracking at the seams.  I want to stay inside, cloister myself in front of the fire place and eat junk food until I puke.  Everyone should allow themselves these little indulgences once in a while.

The important thing is that I snap out of this by tomorrow.  I have to talk myself into getting back on track.  The food change alone is causing mood swings from hell... I think I must be intolerant of sugar highs.

I miss him a lot, and it kills me that he doesn't even talk to me anymore.  It is so devaluing to have someone so significant to your life.. literally.. throw you away.  I feel like human garbage. 

No sense in perpetuating that feeling by treating myself as such.  Tomorrow will be a better day.  (I hope).  I feel so out of my element. I go through my day feeling vauge, not all together in the present moment.. yet not all together absent from it (thank G-d). 

I read somewhere that a midlife divorce allows you to experience your soul and find peace. If someone has any peace out there, may I borrow it? I seemed to have misplaced mine.

Thanks for reading me...

Ann Marie