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Update on Missing Persons report

Well, its finally done. My family has cut ME off. I have tried calling to no avail. I have only spoken with my mother who is very ill. But even when I call her she is acting weird. So I am done. I tried, I wasn't even mad anymore, I just wanted to talk with them and find out what the hell they were thinking, set boundaries, and possibly even laugh at it all. But nope, they have made my decision for me. Its funny really, I thought I was supposed to be the one that was angry. I was as obvious from my last post about this ready to cut them off. I guess it helps that they have made the decision, as I now don't have to live with any regrets. I tried.

Even so, I am scared, I now have no one to turn to but you guys. But as scared as I am I guess I am a little relieved. I can't deal with all their drama anymore, and don't have any room in my life for it. Its sad though because I moved back here from Texas with my kids because I wanted to be near my family for support and because I wanted the kids to be near grandparents that they have gotten close with and with their dad, but all of that is out the window. Truly the only thing good of me coming back is my kids getting to have their dad and me getting to have my house. Its sad, because I was truly counting on them being there, but maybe this is gods way of saying they would have caused more pain than help so he is removing them from my life. I don't know. All I know is that I truly can only count on myself.

by baddlizz 388 Posts

Posted on 12/20/2008 10:46 AM

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Comments for "Update on Missing Persons report" (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

Drqiqqles is amazing with what she said. I am lured into a vortex with some people in my family. Other people in my family have been a foundation. Through the chopping of weeds of it all, you will find common ground with some of them. God, I can’t believe they would say anything about your weight? Nice to always be on pins and needles about them even seeing you. How lame

by yohon 195 Posts
Posted on 12/21/2008 7:39 AM

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Baddlizz, knowing your story, my guess is this is why you behaved as you did in your marriage. Your family has issues, those issues shaped you, and you powerfully impacted your marriage. You are getting on top of your issues now, and who knows? This may be a gift, distance from the environment that screwed you up so that you can heal. Then, later, you can go back and be healthy with them, an injection of solid adulthood into a dysfunctional group of people.

I have noticed that that is how it went in my life.

Anyway, I want to affirm that family goes beyond blood--spiritual familiy is more important than genetic ties. The men and women who have stepped up to "father," "mother," "brother," and "sister" me play just as important a role in my life as my blood-relatives. And hopefully we can be a bit of that for you.

by lenn 2669 Posts
Posted on 12/20/2008 9:11 PM

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I hate to hear that badlizz, my situtation is the complete opposite! My family is very outspoken also and for some reason for the past 35 years I have felt like an outsider in my family (dad's side). They have always talked bad about everything from the way I raise my children to my weight to my lifestyle. Once I got divorced and fell into the family curse (Everyone on my dad's side is divorced) they have a new outlook on me. They talk to me instead of down to me. I hate to hear about your family but remeber you can't help who you're related to but you can help who you deal with.

by Drgiggles 38 Posts
Posted on 12/20/2008 12:05 PM

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I'm so sorry. but I answered your first post and cautioned about cutting off family. It looks like they made that decision for you.

You said you just moved back near family. Perhaps they were expecting the old baddizz they grew up with and are having trouble accepting the new you. I'm sure you've changed with what has happened in your life and they haven't seen those changes and now they don't know what to do.

But you can do it. You can make it on your own. I've done it most of my life. I never fit with the family I was born into. I was the square peg that just couldn't be like them.

Family can be whoever you want. They don't have to be blood related.

But like Jeani said; give it time. They may come around once they accept you as you are now. And your children may be able to help with that. Surely they don't mean to cut them off too. But if they do you all will be fine.

Something about being totally on your own makes you a stronger person. You take care and I hope they come around and accept you for who you are now.

by trisha9054 4967 Posts
Posted on 12/20/2008 11:54 AM

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Families don't always know what to do or say. Most of the time in my experience, they say the wrong thing, out of misguided love but love just the same. With my ex, I am completely cut off from his family. Kind of mutual. I tried in the beginning but no matter what I said or did, it was misconstrued for something else. I gave up. With my family they didn't know what to say at first. They are an outspoken bunch and never liked my ex to begin with. A little bit of guilt mixed with relief. When he got the kids they wanted me to fight harder. I didn't want to drag them through court again. They were more upset. But we kept talking, sometimes argueing, but always loving and kept trying. In the end family is all that matters. It's too bad my Ex's family don't get that.

Have faith. Be patient. Love yourself first. The rest will eventually fall in place.

- G

by JEANI 56 Posts
Posted on 12/20/2008 10:56 AM

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