lets call her the mean one.  

my father had a heart attack this weekend, and ignored it.  he powered through, as he explained.  

he's not new to heart attack land.  ten years ago he had a massive heart attack and then six bypasses.  this year alone he's had two surgeries to replace two of the bypasses.  that was just two months ago.  and then this weekend, while experiencing chest pains again, he felt he could 'walk it off'.   he didn't' tell anyone.  

yesterday my son was sick and i woke up to a flooded kitchen.  i called him to see if he could come and sit with my son and wait for the repairman as well.   but he was in the ER.  

apparently my mother convinced him to go.  they stopped for gas on the way there because my mother doesn't know how to fill a gas tank and my father was worried that if he didn't leave the hospital, she would be helpless.  so, he drove himself to the gas station, showed her how to fill up the gas, and then drove on to the ER.  where he was admitted and had surgery.  

meanwhile, i scurried around.  sent both kids to school, even though one was sick, drove to work, worked for an hour, waited for the repair shop to open and begged them to come to my house right now.  they agreed.  drove home, met the repair guy and asked a girlfriend to come over and sit with him while i went to the hospital.  sat in the hospital for hours and then left to go pick up my kids.  

pretty much did the same this morning.   meanwhile, i made the calls to my sisters....the sisters who are not talking to me now because i couldn't attend a family function this past weekend because my loser ex decided he couldn't watch the kids. 

word on the street is that they don't believe me.  they don't believe that my ex wouldn't work with me and take his kids for the weekend so that i could attend this event.   also turns out that they don't believe that he doesn't pay child support, or that he doesn't call his kids or that he's basically a loser.  

i don't know why they don't believe these things.  maybe because it's hard to believe that a father could do that to his children.  

anyway, i made the calls to let them know that our father was in the hospital and had had a heart attack.  one sister was good. let's call her the nice one. asked questions, wanted details and then the conversation derailed into this...  

'well, you're going to have to do it now paula.  you're going to have to finally face facts that he can no longer take care of your kids for you. you're going to have to make alternative plans and hire a nanny.'  

the other sister never called me back. she didn't call anyone in the family and didn't call the hospital room to talk to my father. nothing.  lets call her the mean one.  

so last night while i paced the patio i thought about all of this.  i'm not foolish...my father is not healthy.  my parents have been picking my kids up from school at 3 and taking care of them until i get home at 6, for four years.  i know i'm lucky.  i know my kids are lucky.   and i know that this arrangement probably has to stop now. 

i also know my ex doesn't even enter into the situation here...and that's sad, odd and reality.  he firmly believes that since i have physical custody (and we share joint custody), that that means the kids are my responsibility 100% of the time.  it's odd when you get to the point where emergency situations happen and your ex is not even on the call list.  it's odder when you have to make major decisions about your children and their own father isn't consulted because he won't care.  odd stuff.

my fathers cardiologists says that he should keep taking care of the kids...plus.  he needs to do more actually. he needs to exercise more and eat right and play with the kids and stay active.  

my father says that he would die if he couldn't care for his grandchildren. that it brings him joy and he wouldn't have a thing to do if he didn't see them all the time.  

my sisters don't believe the cardiologist either.  the nice sister says that she doesn't care what the dr has to say, the ultimate decision is mine.  that his health is compromised and the stress of caring for two little kids is too much.  

the mean sister says that i have put my children's lives at risk and that my father will have a massive heart attack while driving them from school and all three will die and everyone will know it was my fault.  (harsh, i know).  

if i hire a nanny to care for my kids, my father will show up anyway.  he has admitted he will and he's not lying.   my sisters admit that this will happen as well, and say that's his choice...but at least he won't have the heavy burden and responsibility of caring for them daily.

so, i'm obviously too close to this situation to see clearly.  i would love your input.   what to do?