Adopted son and how I feel 

Delia-

Thanks your comments help alot. It is strange all of the thoughts that are going through my head right now. Like I said I don't know why I keep thinking of her but I do.

It is nice that someone like you thinks that I am doing all that I can. I am doing all that I can but it just doesn't seem to be enough anymore. It really does help to have you recognize that.

I also had a closed adoption. It was their choice, and I respect their decision. I can't speak for your son's birth mom, but as one myself, I can give you my perspective.

What would matter to me is that you have taken care of my child to the best of your abilities. You've nurtured, cared for, and most importantly, loved him in a way I never could have provided. Every marriage has troubles even the best ones, and no one can ever predict what will happen years into the future. I certainly prayed you would give my child the life I could not. I don't think, if I were to see you all now, that I've been let down or disappointed.

I chose you because you, even in those impersonal profiles the agency compiles, spoke to me, of your ache to be parents. Here I am, physically healthy, reasonably sane (ahem), yet unable to provide a stable home for a baby, but I can give you the only thing I can provide - a baby to love. Consider me your own personal, God-given surrogate. Something within me welled up when I read the words in your profile that whispered, "This is where your baby needs to go. These people need your child, this gift."

This is what I would say to the adoptive parents of my own daughter, who is now 14. I hope you will accept my thoughts in the spirit for which they were intended, and my sincere thanks for accepting a baby into your home.