Skipped the frying pan and just flopped into the fire 

Well I had a talk with my wife yesterday and she wants to start the divorce in a couple weeks. So this is really gonna happen, I guess I still don't believe it. I'm in a way better place than I was a few weeks ago but I'm still very sad that it's come to this. What happened to us? When we were talking I told her that I still didn't want this and that I loved her very much. Even after all the shit that she has done and the OM waiting in the wings I still want her. I still want to fight for her love even though she gave it to another. I found out that she told all the kids a week ago ( my step kids ) and they have been pretty much treating me the same as they always do. No one seems upset that I'm on the way out but me. I had some alone time with my step daughter and I asked her what she thought about Mom and I getting a divorce? She just shrugged her shoulders and didn't look at me and said well I just found out. Now I've been a part of this family for a little over 3 years. I've given all of them love and did my best to be a good Dad. I would listen to them, talk to them, help them with home work, joke with them and take care of them. But all I get is a shoulder shrug. I was feeling pretty low. Later that night I got into it with my, I guess I have to start saying my STBX. She was all pissed off about something that had nothing to do with me and ended up lashing out at me. I didn't take it like I have in the past I lashed back. Ended up getting into the OM and just couldn't stop. All the jealousy and anger about him go the better of me. I should have just bit my tong. Get this though, she still denies that he IS the OM!! She even listed a bunch of strikes again them. She said that he married, has kids, speaks very little english and even if they did get married there are thousands of married couples that live in separate countries because getting married doesn't guarantee a visa to the US. Now if I didn't know all the stuff that I'm not suppose to know she might have convinced me but instead I just stood there and looked at her thinking you fucking lair. Why do you have his name tattooed on your back, why are you planning to fly to Turkey to marry him this summer? I wanted to say that SO bad but I didn't. Later I went to her and apologized for loosing my temper and that my jealousy of the OM was the root of my fighting with her. She was okay and said that she can understand why I lost my temper and being jealous of him. She said that she keeps things from me because she doesn't want to hurt me. Well she may not want to but she does ever time she talks with him. Even if I didn't know what I know I would be smart enough to see the writing on the wall, a husband knows when another guy is sniffing around. Even after all this I STILL love this woman, this is going to be a horrible time in my life.