December Update 

Somehow my "Tattoo" entry from July became active again, because there were a lot of entries on there from just over the past couple of days.  So I thought I'd take a minute to look over where I've been, and update where I am now.

Even though I still have bad moments and bad days, I'm in a much better place than I was in July.  I feel the most content and happiest I've been in years.  This has been tough on my kids, but they seem to be adjusting well.  I've lost weight, and I'm getting in shape, and everyone at work says that I look fabulous.  So those are the positives.

The negatives - my kids have to deal with HER when they go to see their dad.  That one still sticks in my craw.  Literally a week after I filed the no-fault divorce papers, he had moved HER into the house that he and I bought together 10 years ago.  The house that I thought we'd grow old in together.  For some reason the idea of this other woman living in and redecorating MY house just really, really bothers me.  In the scheme of things, it's not important, but it just bothers me.  I mean, she also took my husband, and you'd think that would matter more, but oddly, it doesn't.  I guess that's a telling commentary on how horrible my marriage had become by the time I moved out.

The divorce will be final in January a fitting beginning to 2009.  Truly, I can't wait to be free.  I'm moving on, rediscovering myself and what I like, putting myself out there to experience things I avoided during my marriage.  For example, I've never eaten sushi in my life.  But it's now on my list of things to try.  I recently took a flight in a Cessna for the first time ever, and I don't even like to fly!  It was tremendous fun, though, and I can't wait to try it again (maybe when the weather gets a bit warmer here...it was fun but very cold).  In a few weeks I'll be going to see an old friend I haven't seen in a very long time.  I avoided him because STBX was jealous of our connection.  I shouldn't have done that, and I can't wait to see him again.

So one step forward, two steps back.  If I can just get through the holidays in one piece, I think I will be okay.  So to all of you who are just starting this process, there is hope, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I haven't reached the end yet, but it's getting closer for me, and I'm grateful to still be here.