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Married means MARRIED you moron 

I found this on Craigslist (best of) and had to post it here.


Originally Posted: Sat, 29 Jul 04:17 EDT Date: 2006-07-29, 4:17AM EDT

It's getting to the point where I can't even read those stupid personal ads anymore, not even for fun.

They're loaded with married people, bitching about their spouses, and looking for something "better".

I've got a few things to tell you:

1. "She" is not the reason your marriage sucks. YOU are. If you spent half as much time paying attention to her as you do trolling CL for sluts, your marriage would be a whole hell of a lot better.

2. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it a thousand times. You're in a sexless marriage. First of all, that's probably a lie, because most cheaters are liars too. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, pal- if your wife isn't interested in sex, it's because you're not offering sex that's interesting. Married guys get awfully boring after a while. They do the same boring thing the same boring way every fucking time and they expect you to scream like a porn star. Seriously, you come home from work, totally ignore her while she chases the kids around for 4 hours, makes dinner, does the laundry, blah blah blah, and then you expect her to roll over with her legs open for another session of same-old same-old? When are you idiots going to learn that the best foreplay in the world for a woman is watching you take care of the kids, vacuum the floor, pick up the dog poo in the backyard. Or how about just listening when she talks? You know, it's not that fucking hard to stop thinking about yourself for five minutes and hear what she has to say. Think about it- way back when, when you were getting your brains fucked out on a regular basis- what were YOU doing differently than you're doing now? Planning dates, telling her she looked nice, acting like you're happy to be with her? A thousand dollars says if you do that stuff again you'll get the same result.

3. Your kids are NOT the reason you're staying married. If you were THAT miserable, you'd leave whether you had kids or not. If you're not getting a divorce it's because YOU DON'T WANT TO. For whatever reason. At least be honest and don't try to feed people that tired bullshit line about staying married for the kids. Contrary to what you think, it doesn't make you look like a poor suffering but honorable victim. You obviously don't care enough about your kids to treat their mother with enough respect not to cheat on her, and you don't care about them enough to spend time with THEM instead of some cheap whore, so cut it out with that crap. There is absolutely nothing honorable about putting your dick ahead of your kids. If you really really cared about them, you would put ALL your time and effort and money into saving the one thing that means most to them in the whole world- your marriage and their family. Otherwise you're full of shit.

4. We all know how bored you are. Poor you, someone should really come along to entertain you. What are you, fucking 12 years old? If you're bored with your marriage, it's because YOU'RE BORING, and have you ever stopped to think that if you're bored, she probably is too. But instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old, she's at home cleaning out the lint trap on the dryer and washing kool-aid off the kitchen floor. Yeah, she's having a fucking riot washing your underwear and cleaning up cat puke. Marriage is hard work. Hell, life is hard work. Grow the fuck up and take some responsibility for yourself. You have a brain, USE it. Put some thought into your marriage and some effort into your life and stop blaming her and being a baby because life isn't fun.

5. You're looking for someone "younger". Sure you are. Dickhead. You think you look the same as you did when you got married? I'd bet not. Even if you do, you haven't spent the last 10 years having babies (the ones YOU wanted) and sacrificing your body for them. The next time you have to have someone stitch your asshole together because your just pushed a watermelon out of your butt, then you can sqwauk. If you ever spend 9 months with your belly stretched to obscene proportions, and manage to look exactly the same as you used to 6 weeks later, then you can bitch about how she's not attractive anymore. Until then, shut the fuck up. You have no concept of what she has sacrificed to give you the children you claim to love. You really think she wants varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs? Get real. What she wants is a man who understands and values WHY she has varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs. She wants a man who loves her because she was willing to make those sacrifices with her own body because she loves HIM. Instead, you criticize and go running off with the first perky 25 year old who gives you the time of day. Asshole.

6. And finally, if you're cheating on your wife, there's something wrong with YOU. If you're not happy with your marriage, exactly how do you think fucking some slut is going to fix that? Exactly how is that going to make anyone happy? Have you ever actually heard of adultery working out really well for everyone involved? Are you actually stupid enough to think that you're going to be the exception to that rule? If so, you are delusional and you need professional help. Affairs are disasters- not some of the time, not most of the time, ALL OF THE TIME. You guilt will drive you crazy. Someone WILL find out. You will NOT be able to keep up the lies and the deception. And it will all lead up to a disaster of epic proportions, which leads me to Lucky #7.

7. Here's what you can expect in the wake of your little fuck-fest:

Divorce- this is where you lose everything- your wife, your house, half your income and possessions, possibly your job if you're stupid enough to be fucking around with a co-worker, your kids- EVERYTHING. You will LOSE IT ALL.

Exposure- this is where everyone finds out what a scumbag you are. And they WILL find out. Your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your family, HER family, your neighbors, the parents of your kids' friends, everyone at your church. They WILL find out. Why? Because your now ex-wife will tell them. She will probably tell everyone she knows, and everyone you know, and she will feel good doing it. Consider yourself lucky if she doesn't rent a billboard. Otherwise, all bets are off. Be prepared.

Your Kids- this is where you totally lose the respect of your kids, and you deserve to lose it. They will realize in pretty short order that you didn't care enough about them to keep your fucking pants on. They will see their mother cry and they will hate you for it. They will end up shuttling back and forth between their home and your apartment, and they will hate you for it. Every time they have to tell someone that their parents are divorced, they will hate you for it. And God forbid you decide to "introduce" them to your shiny new soulmate/fuckbuddy, they will REALLY hate you for that. If your kids are really young, you have a little time before all this shit hits the fan, but be warned, it's coming. They will forever see you as the moron who broke up their family. They will know that you can't be trusted, that you are weak and immoral and selfish. And they'll figure it out all by themselves, even if you never talk to them about it. Because your kids are smarter than you are at this point.

So, go ahead and whine your pathetic bullshit about how you're a victim and your wife is a horrible shrew. Do your best to convince yourself that you didn't have any choice and your wife "drove you to it." Start with the rationalizations and justifications now, you're going to need a lot of them. Remember that the best defense is a good offense and start a mental list of all the ways your wife is deficient. Make sure to re-write the history of your marriage so that you can say that you were miserable from the first day. Be sure to tell your wife that you love her, you're just not "in love" with her anymore. Deal with your guilt by lashing out at everyone around you. Above all, take no responsibility for any problems YOU may have that caused you to be such a spineless bastard in the first place.

Congratulations, you've just joined the Adulterers Club. See you in hell. 



  • PostingID: 187640237
by dylan  63 Posts 

Posted on 12/12/2008 3:17 PM
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Comments for "Married means MARRIED you moron"  (65) (You must be logged in to answer)

OMG Im dating a man who has an in-home seperation and I feel most uncompfortable there. His wife just glares at me. I want him to move out into his own place, but he won't because of money issues. I don't know. Is material things really worth the bullcrap.
by shellyleigh   1 Post
Posted on 6/4/2009 5:20 AM

by newyork5   58 Posts
Posted on 2/28/2009 9:27 PM

Ah, WOW. That's cathartic! Thanks so much for posting it here!
by felix7   478 Posts
Posted on 2/21/2009 6:14 PM

I loved this blog! It actually made me laugh out loud. And it has been so long since that happened i scared the hell out of my dog who was sleeping on my foot. I am going to print this out and send to my husband. It is perfect.
To the people who are making comments about being bitter.... uhhh hello?
For 15 years i was one hell of a good wife. I centered my whole world around this man and what he might want or need. If he might not like it , then it wasnt done. If he wouldnt eat it, then it wasn't what we had for dinner. I actually put a towel in the dryer for him when he got ready for a bath. Would run with him a warm towel when he stepped out of the bath. (i know ladies... sick huh?)
When his iced tea glass would become empty all he had to do is hold it and shake it and i'm there to refill..
Until his best friends hooter girl/bartending two cent slut wiggled by.
He called home on xmas day to ask for a divorce. Got the cell phone records... hooter slut has 700 phone calls and 500 text messages to his phone in one month. BUT HE ISN'T CHEATING!  *rolls eyes*
So yeah bitter is a part of it. There are so many parts to it. Some days it's all i can do to get up off the floor and not scare the hell out of my kids.
He's screamin he isnt going to pay alimony even tho for 14 years at his demands i have stayed home and took care of his child and house. Every thought i ever had of going back to work was met with a Hell NO, you are staying home with my son where you belong.
anyway... Thanks for the blog. i loved it!!!
by Harleymom   8 Posts
Posted on 2/12/2009 11:44 AM

loved the blog and getting all the anger out. The cheater deserves it. Cheaters will always cheat, are never happy, and don't care if they ruin a marriage and kids and make everyone unhappy. In the end they pay when it comes t o support, splitting things and hurting their children. No excuse to cheat - if you want to go outside the marriage - end it first. Cheaters will never be happy and will keep moving on to the next. Let's hope they catch something bad for all the hurt they cause to others. Men have to prove they can still get someone 20 years younger but they haven't figured it out yet - those younger woman want a sugar daddy to pay their bills and buy them things and take them out and go home to a quick screw. Duh! Then t hey dump them and he wants to come back home. Nope. Not gonna happen. Life moves on, we end up with money in the bank, a house and support and all the goodies that go along with it and don't have to wonder where he is anymore because we don't give a shit. One day his "thing" will stop working and good - let it rot off!
by Bella28   10 Posts
Posted on 2/6/2009 10:25 PM

Hmmmmmmmm  well there seems to be some frustration present. I say let it go.
by Gomezz   758 Posts
Posted on 2/3/2009 8:35 AM

This is still my all-time favorite blog!  I even printed it out and passed it to my divorced friends!!  I still find ultimate satisfaction when reading this!
by elizabeth_bowman2000   62 Posts
Posted on 2/2/2009 7:45 PM

Amen, this is exactly how my life was, except a few other detais, but aint this the TRUTH!!!  Thanks for making my day and saying what i would love to say to my stbx, i wish i could send it to him and his "IMA"
by syd   7 Posts
Posted on 2/2/2009 4:31 PM

I loved reading your post. It made me laugh (something I havn't done for ages).
But get on with your life in a more positive way. Bemoaning your ex won't help much. Unhappiness begets unhappiness. Bitterness begets bitterness.
But at least, you're making others laugh!
by pastfirst   55 Posts
Posted on 1/18/2009 5:48 AM

yeah  MARRIED is MARRIED comin from some one who would love to have some real love making from a REAL MAN. not my looser abuser.but IM MARRIEd - ive had offers...But IM married..........  so I will happily wait until IM not and then well......then I WOnt be married any more ,.....sex is not as important as principle and morals...............
by freeme   386 Posts
Posted on 1/18/2009 5:22 AM

You know, I really had a lot of respect for you and your answers/responses to people, but with your personal attack towards me, I lost a lot of that respect. I did not find the original post offensive at all and I did not feel that the "17 posts" mocking and belittling comment was warranted, but I understand how you are hurt and want to lash out and how I opened myself up to the attack. I have so much I would love to say, but I am not sure if I am ready to, as I think you not only attacked and mocked me, but you mocked my husband for actually believing and understanding and trying to work through this difficult time, like I tried to work through his abuse (still trying to this day). I am speechless and I am so sorry that your bitterness must show through to those that actually do have remorse for their actions...and you must pour more salt in their wounds and pound them further into the ground. Wow...

Sorry I refuse to mock and belittle just because I seemed to offended you by the truth and showing just another side, but 'nuf said...
by Aimless   1158 Posts
Posted on 12/23/2008 9:35 AM

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! 

I'm soooo sorry that the cheaters out there found this offensive!

Ok, for sh*ts and giggles, lets say that you have been a good spouse, things in the marriage were rolling along pretty well, with the usual ups and downs.  Then your spouse decides that you aren't paying him enough attention (he can't be the center of the universe every single minute of every single day), and he decides to invest his time in other 'friends' instead of coming to you and discussing the problems he was having. He then decides that he isn't 'happy' (poor baby.....Happiness is fleeting....you have to openly pursue it.  The only people I know who are on a constant 'happy high' are those on powerful meds.)

You see where I'm going with this.....cheaters are selfish SOBs, these things do happen to cheaters, cheaters are the bad guys.

Nuff said.....and it didn't take me 17 post windows to state my point.
by angielou   1543 Posts
Posted on 12/23/2008 7:19 AM

Ooops, forgot to post the piece that I wrote (re-wrote from your letter)! I'll try to post it in a few minutes.
by otl500   2 Posts
Posted on 12/22/2008 12:08 AM

As a woman I absolutely loved this blog and I commend you Dylan for writing such an insightful piece; but as a woman who believes in fairness, I know that there is a flip side to this coin. Dylan I re-wrote your wonderful piece from the perspective of a husband writing to/about his unfaithful wife. Even though I am a woman, I have known women like this and I truly despise them.   I saw firsthand the horrific damage a woman like this could cause after my brothers wife left him . Children, new homes, trips, LOVE, caring, companionship, thoughtfulness, and kindness meant nothing to her, she left for another man who made more money then my brother did! She was and is the the Queen Mother of all heartless, bitchy, moronic, gold digging,lying, big fat drama queens! I live for the day when her new marriage fails (she married the creep she was having the affair with) and salivate at the thought of her new hubby throwing her enormously ample ass out onto the streets.   
by otl500   2 Posts
Posted on 12/21/2008 11:25 PM

Well said.

From the perspective of a man who has been cheated on, well said.

Minus the pregnancy and watermelon, I can relate.

Good luck to you!
by HereIgo   960 Posts
Posted on 12/20/2008 6:12 PM

Ambivalent: Some men are never happy. It's an excuse to cheat.  I don't think you get it! I gave my husband 18 years.  He told the judge I was a good wife. With us it had nothing to do with love, it had everything to do with his addiction to sex, porn and the fact the hussy he cheated on me with is a nurse that made 3 times the salary I made as a teacher.  He isn't the only one that committed adultry, the OW was awhere he had a family with kids and didn't care.  They are both self-obsorbed. They both gave up their kids and now they are both unhappy with each other because they both committed adultry against their former spouses and can't trust one-another not to cheat. lol  It's ironically funny that it's come back to bite them after 11 years (3 cheating, 1 year separated during their pending divorces from their former spouses and 7 married to each other).  Just shows you that cheaters don't win even when they believe they've found happy ever after with the person they cheated with. 
by suzy5228   34 Posts
Posted on 12/18/2008 5:33 PM

Wish I had written this myself! lol  I have copied and pasted it to my drafts and edited the fowl language.  I'm debating whether I send it to my former husband before or after Christmas.  I even added a little bit to it regarding marrying the hussy he cheated on me with and how my son felt when he called to say he would have visitation any longer because "she wouldn't allow it"....sheeeeesh.   My editorials are written as if the original author had said it.  Wonder if he'll get a clue.  Ironically they are now going through a divorce.  His third (he was divorced 5 years before we even met), and her 6th (some people just shouldn't be married).  He probably cheated on him or perhaps on each other since they were both cheating on their previous spouses.  Some people never learn. It's like an illness, an addiction like alcoholism!
by suzy5228   34 Posts
Posted on 12/18/2008 5:25 PM

Excekkent post Dylan ... the same could be said for the women who cheat as did my wife ... I wonder if cheaters ever realize the damage they cause. Maybe they need to read your post so reality can hit home
by canary1922   355 Posts
Posted on 12/18/2008 10:53 AM

Ambivalent, I do not understand your question.  Are you asking me why my husband is unhappy?  I won't speak for him, but I am the one who wants to end the marriage.  He does not want to go anywhere.  If you are asking about my male friend, he was divorced before we became friends(his ex-wife wanted the divorce).
by meteor   524 Posts
Posted on 12/17/2008 4:35 PM

Happy men don't leave their wives. So what was your role in this? At some point it became worth it to take the risk. I think you need some mirror action.
by Ambivalent   312 Posts
Posted on 12/17/2008 3:28 PM

This post made me laugh, too, but that's not why I am responding.  Had to add my two cents as a cheater.  I would try to be eloquent, but aimless already did it so well and said things that I did not even think of.  I do regret what I did and I am doing my best to set things right.  I changed jobs so I don't have to be near the other guy and I am saving up money for a lawyer.  If anybody wants to send me a check for a grand so I can get this process going faster, well I won't stop you, but until then I am stuck here.  Did I tell him yet?  Heck no.  The lawyer and the counselor both told me to wait until he signs the papers and moves out and the locks are changed.  My husband told me if I ever cheated on him he would kill us both.  Nice, huh?  It may be an empty threat, but I am not taking that chance.  When he is out of here I will tell him everything and answer any questions he has.  Until then, I think that this is between me and my husband.  We have no kids by the way and the other guy is not married.  Oh yeah, and I have told him twice that I wanted a separation and I have tried to talk to him about counseling and working on things together.  He sneers and says I am the one with the problem.  Take your damn happy pills and be a good girl and get out of my face.  That's his attitude.  In all fairness to him he has said that he has not been the best husband, but he tried.  Sound a little bitter?  Guess so.  There went five years of my life.  I honestly apologize to everyone who has been cheated on and agree that it says more about the cheater than you.  I have my problems.  I chose to deal with them in a messed up way.  I respectfully apologize to the universe and ask for another chance.  Peace and Love.      
by meteor   524 Posts
Posted on 12/17/2008 12:26 PM

Well, I have to say honestly that reading this actually put a smile on my face, and seeing how I can't remember when I did that last.... Serriously, it's nice to know I'm not alone. I'm glad u posted this, thank you,

by trisha777   1 Post
Posted on 12/17/2008 9:55 AM

Wow. Thanks for the blog. This is definelty the ex......
by vlady   2620 Posts
Posted on 12/17/2008 9:28 AM

as long as your not bitter...
by zax   24 Posts
Posted on 12/17/2008 7:46 AM

Ah...I have so many letters to prove that I am not re-writing my marriage...some of us cheaters truly are not lying that things have been bad...

And again, I never said he drove me to it and I had no choice...

I made the choice in a split second...and one I will forever regret for so many reasons...and one I never said was right...EVER...

God, it is sooooooooooo hard not to read these bitter responses about 'cheaters' and not feel more guilt added to what I already have...(those that will tell me to forgive myself...I have in one sense...I won't do anything rash because of this...it just hurts...like hearing how these people seemed to have heard that they were so horrible and were lied to for so long...it hurts...).

I only speak from my perspective and you know...at least my husband was man enough to actually say, "you know, I was a pretty shitty husband and I can see why you gave into that temptation after 10 years of my abuse...now let's see if we can build the trust up from both of our perspectives, because you NEVER thought of an affair before, and you have ALWAYS been honest with me regarding your friendships/conversavtions with men (even to the point where he said he was uncomfortable and requested contact to stop...which I did)"

He was man enough to get past the hatred to see that he DID have a hand in our problems...enough so that I chose to cheat when I never wanted to or dreamed I would...and he knew I was desperate and chose a path that was not as horrible as divorce...since I believed that divorce was an even worse sin than adultery...which even his own family helped perpetuate...

I wasn't right, nor does it justify it, nor am I making excuses for it...

Oh well...

Just had to post that not ALL cheaters are the same...and there ARE those that hate what they did and are remorseful...and are worth love...just as their spouse is...
by Aimless   1158 Posts
Posted on 12/17/2008 12:49 AM

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