so go out there and get that damn tree now! 

according to wikipedia, "fake it till you make it" (also called "act as if") is a common catchphrase that means to imitate confidence so that as the confidence produces success, it will generate real confidence.

i'm a big believer in this.   

i have always thought it was the easiest thing to do, the lazy mans approach.  it's so much easier to me to just keep on going versus giving up in despair. i've done that too.  and it's much harder. 

it's physically and emotionally draining. it takes energy to give up. plus you need a certain set of clothes to make it work..usually stained sweats and ripped shirts, often in dull colors, and there's the whole non showering thing.....  

things like christmas.  i've had some pretty big debates with friends and family about this holiday (and many other topics...just about every other topic, but i digress). 

take christmas. i'm a big believer in the whole nine yards.  so there's the real christmas tree selection and carrying into the house and having things get knocked over and broken while setting it up.  there's the lights on the tree and my wacky ornaments.  there's the hand made decorations and yard decorations and big blow up snoopy with a santa hat.  there's the stockings hung from my bookshelf because i don't have a fireplace.  there's the making of the fake fireplace out of brown and black and red construction paper to cover the bookshelf.  there's the baking of cookies and cakes and pies and the big christmas dinner feast. there's the mock photo shoot, done by myself, with two kids wearing something festive and silly and posing for an hour in a million different ways.  there's the gift buying and gift hiding and homemade chocolate chip cookies for santa with special mugs filled with milk and snacks left for the reindeer.  there's the letter to santa with the ceremonial mailing (this time santa actually produced the letters while my kids sat on his lap at the mall....yes, they were shocked and thrilled).  there's the endless christmas music and making hand made christmas cards and collecting toys and clothes to donate.  you know, the whole nine yards.  

my husband walked out on us two weeks before christmas.  the tree was up and he was out.  but christmas went on.  i wasn't going to let a little thing like my life falling apart ruin christmas for my kids.  i'm a fan of the grinch, but i'm a bigger fan of all the little who's who managed to keep on going even though he was dismantling their world around them.  

friends and family, all with the correct and appropriate level of shock and anger over what my husband was doing...and his timing....(oh my!)....all rallied around and told me that it would be perfectly respectful and expected to just skip christmas that year.   

skip christmas?  had they lost their minds?  

so i faked it till i made it.   we did the whole nine yards. that year and every year since. i've never not.  frankly, it was just easier to do christmas and power thru then it would have been to collapse on my bed and let the holiday pass by while i cried and said things like 'but i just can't do it' or 'how can i possibly do cookies and milk and all of that this year?....it's all just too much.'  

believe me, i did plenty of that....later....after the first of the year.  for a long time.  for too long maybe.  

but that would have taken more effort, in my mind, than just doing the cookie cutter thing that i knew how to do and have always done.  there was some solace in baking and wrapping and decorating.  it was familiar. it was comforting. it was something i could control....  

my world was now out of my control. the life i wanted and was working on, the man i was married to, my entire life was now in chaos, under his control. all plans and goals and dreams had collapsed and the only thing i could grab onto and do something with was christmas lights and gift wrap.  so i grabbed them....with vigor.  

i have a few divorced friends who have told me that they're either not bothering with a tree (because the ex has the kids that day), or they're not bothering with the decorations (because it just seems like such an effort), or they're not bothering with the traditions (because they don't feel like a family anymore).  

i usually yell at them.  

i usually say something like this...."so, all the things you want to share with your kids, about the holiday, your traditions and beliefs, your excitement for gift buying/gift giving, decorating, donating, eating, music, family and friends...all of that is just the other parents job/pleasure now...because why? because you're divorced?  what's next? you're not going to bother with feeding your kids too because, well, the other parent can just do it?  how about playing with them?  is that your ex's job too?  your life and your kids lives and your traditions and values and beliefs and joys do not end with a divorce decree.  your ex doesn't get all that in the final judgement.  they get stuff.  a house or a car or some money.....but they don't get the stuff of life out of you. they don't get it and you shouldn't hand it to them on a silver platter.....so go out there and get that damn tree now!"  

okay, i admit, i can be a bit harsh with my friends.    

i know many people here are facing the holidays with dread and fear.  so many memories of shared christmas's past and now he or she is gone.  it's hard to do those same traditions when the person you created the traditions with is not there anymore.  i know. 

but what if you just did it anyway?  

what if you just faked it anyway?   what if you just went ahead and did christmas and the whole nine yards? what would happen?  would it be better or worse than opting to not do it?   what are you (we) going to get out of not celebrating the holiday this year?    

how about if we all just decide to fake it until we make it?