Former Wife turned lover

I spoke to her, and I am so relieved.

Today I drove over to her house and asked her if I could come in and talk with her privately.

We sat in the kitchen and she said, "So you are the one"?

(I told you she knew!)

I nodded and I just started to cry my eyes out. I couldn't help it. Surprizingly she put her arms around me and held me and patted my back and when I could finally talk I said, "I am so sorry if I have hurt you in any way."

At first she gave me a stern look. But then her face eased up a bit and she told me that ever since she had a total hysterectomy which was about 15 years ago she has had absolutely no sex drive. She said that she has known her husband has had affairs in the past but that for the most part they were as she put it "Recreational things". Then her face got serious again and she said, "Until now." I saw a tear I think, but it never made it to her cheek. She looked really calm, she told me that she knows he is actually in love this time and that she wished she could go back and fix things. Resolved, she said she could not do it.

Overall I think her disinterest in sex and his libido are too diometrically opposed for either one to be fully happy. She and I have worked out a schedule now, one that works for her girls to see their dad more and gives her back her best friend. I am feeling a little dizzy about the whole day.

She asked me if he was going to leave her and I told her that I would not be able to accept that. I never told her that he asked me to marry him, I did not want to hurt her more.

I do not know if she and I will become friends or not but she invited me over next weekend for dinner and I agreed to come. I think it will be hard to not reveal my feelings for him openly, and to face her with him in the room, but I am going to go and see what happens.

I do not think she will posion me. I hope not anyway.

I read your comments here on my blog. I would never presume to judge your lives, why do you insist on equating this relationship to something cheap? It really isn't anything less than pure love and I know the difference between lust and love.

Calling me a whore because I let him rent me a car is quite severe. I guess I can understand why some of you are living in divorce hell. Really, what I intend to try to do is save a marriage and a 30 year friendship and still love the person I am in love with. I am trying to cause no harm as best I can, and I do not think I can go on without this man in my life. I love him deeply and it is not all sex as some here suggest.

If I could still be friends with my former husband I would. I still love him and my divorce hurt me, it very nearly killed my spirit. I thought I would NEVER love anyone that much again, and then by accident, I found a love that is tenfold what I shared for 19 years with my x. However I will NOT put this wife through the divorce thing for me. I will never marry this man because I think it will hurt too many people if he divorces her.

I wish you peace.

by SmartNSexy 55 Posts

Posted on 11/6/2008 6:02 AM

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Tags: affair , dear wife of the man i love , cheating , love ,
infidelity , telling her , hysterectomy , libido ,
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Comments for "I spoke to her, and I am so relieved." (50) (You must be logged in to answer)

Back again, ran out of room. At the beginning, I was a wreck after 20 years of being with someone I thought was my soul mate & is the only reason I married him. It was "till death do us part" & I meant every vow. Obviously he didn't. He meant "till death do us part or until someone new is willing to have sex ". He didn't ask me for a divorce either. He just wanted an "Open Marriage" where he had "my blessing"? to screw someone else & still have his family to come home to. This wasn't the first time he cheated on me either. I should have left him then, but he promised me he would never do it again & begged me for another chance. I forgave him & never threw it in his face. I was rewarded by his doing it again. I met the other woman 2 the first time. She had nothing over on me. I was better looking, I'm a professional, she wasn't, I could go on but the bottom line was that she was just "new" to him & willing. I had a hard time trying to figure out what he saw in her to take a chance in losing his family which was stupid. He's the one who was not a "man of his word", had no morals (he was the one who broke one of God's commandments & so did she). I wondered what kind of woman would settle for a married man. The statistics show that the majority of married men will not leave their wives for another woman. Usually the mistress gets tired of waiting & drops her attempts at trying to break up the marriage. This is what happened then. But unfortunately for me, the statistics show that married men who cheat will do it again & he did. This time, I threw him to the curb. He was not my soul mate after all. I don't know if I believe in soul mates anymore but I don't want such a man to take away my core beliefs. So I think, hey, look at beautiful women who's marriages have collapsed. Nicole Kidman, Haley Berry, etc. Look at them now. I must believe.

by gailmarielm 20 Posts
Posted on 11/15/2008 5:59 AM

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I totally agree with BlueB. Morality is based on the culture you're in. So unfortunately for smartnsexy this culture's morals will be imposed on her as a woman of loose morals whether she likes it or not. Here is the definition of moral:adj.

Of or concerned with the judgment of the goodness or badness of human action and character: moral scrutiny; a moral quandary.

Teaching or exhibiting goodness or correctness of character and behavior: a moral lesson.

Conforming to standards of what is right or just in behavior; virtuous: a moral life.

Arising from conscience or the sense of right and wrong: a moral obligation.

Having psychological rather than physical or tangible effects: a moral victory; moral support.

Based on strong likelihood or firm conviction, rather than on the actual evidence: a moral certainty.

The lesson or principle contained in or taught by a fable, a story, or an event.

A concisely expressed precept or general truth; a maxim.

morals Rules or habits of conduct, especially of sexual conduct, with reference to standards of right and wrong: a person of loose morals; a decline in the public morals.

We all have to look at ourselves in the mirror and live with our choices. I also believe in karma and payback is a bitch. If smartnsexy was looking for support from this culture, she was sadly mistaken although I did notice she did have a few "supporters" who obviously must not believe in God or karma because adultry is 1 of the 10 commandments. Maybe these are the men and women our husbands are cheating with which obviously makes sense. Running out of room, so will continue in another entry.

by gailmarielm 20 Posts
Posted on 11/15/2008 5:25 AM

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To clear up confustion in regards to my response (at least I hope):

I do not find SNS or this husband any MORE or LESS immoral than I find other people, including my mother, by only one aspect in their life. I do not find them any MORE or LESS moral than I would consider my own mother, brother, sister, friend, husband, or even myself...

My morals, standards, beliefs, goals, what I feel is sacred is my own belief and if someone believes that what they are doing is more 'moral' than I am, well, it's sad to judge simply one aspect and then place this statement on them:

"Immoral means that you do not have any values...or not knowing right from wrong at all."

I refuse to categorically say that someone is wholly immoral and has no values in life, nor do they know 'right from wrong' because they have one aspect of their life that I do not adhere to the same moral compass as they do.

I am reminded of something I think is strange to call someone immoral for when I was studying the religions trying to find my place in this world (after being brought up in a VERY religious home), but sadly, there are many that fit this category...there are many religions that say that masturbation is immoral (let alone other aspects that I don't want to get into because I'm not trying to get into a religious debate).

If I could categorically say that anyone that masturbates is immoral with no values or knowledge of right and wrong, wouldn't that seem a little harsh and judgemental on my part?

I guess I do not adhere to that thought process - I have gathered knowledge in my life and see how I want to live my life to the best of my abilities and follow my own standards and morals (which are not bottom of the barrel by any means and are generally accepted as what others would consider ethical/moral/high standard).

THAT was the point of my response, and I'm sorry if it caused confusion for some.

by Aimless 1058 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2008 12:45 PM

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Smart n sexy, have to be honest you sound like neither. I honestly think you are making up this whole story to make yourself into something you are not. I believe man can lovetwo people, as can a woman. I don't believe your tale, I don' t think it is true.. Even if it is why are you posting it here. You are not something special because this man wants to cheat with you. This is for people going through divorce, what exactly is your point, why are you here. It is certainly not to help others, just to weave a tale?

by zuck 9 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2008 12:36 PM

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At least the daughters are practically adults...there won't be too much to worry about, confusion wise. Yeah, you didn't catch your parents in the throes of extacy, but you knew they were having sex at some point, even if it wasn't right in front of you. Same thing here...you can try to keep things secret, and you may even succeed for a while, but I've found that the more people in on the secret, the less chance of it staying one. When they find out...and they inevitably will...perhaps not all the gory details, but they'll find out enough to form an opinion. What then? Will they accept you or will they join the "torch and pitchfork" crowd you've seen here?

Culturally judgmental? Really? Well, in some cultures in the deepest parts of Africa, canabalism is perfectly normal...doesn't mean we have to accept it here. In certain parts of the world, women are treated no better than property...doesn't mean we have to accept it here. And yes, you're absolutely right, in some cultures, having multiple wives or concubines is perfectly acceptable...the problem is, we don't live in those cultures, we live in this one. For crying out loud, we can't even agree on whether or not to accept gay marriage, as a country. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but there is no right to acceptance...and you're not likely to find it here, either in this forum or in the community in which you live.

I still advise caution as you all sail into these uncharted waters. Perhaps this arrangement will work for you...but it's just as likely to blow up in your face. It all hinges on two other people whom you have no control over their emotions. It's hard enough just dealing with one person and their emotions, let alone two. Good luck with that.

by BlueB 2982 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2008 7:33 AM

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WOW! That is so generous of both of you to have the husband offer sex to the wife on their anniversary! It made me all weepy just to think about it.

Has anyone seen the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"? Peter is madly in love with Sarah who leaves him for another guy. Who of course is a total ass and ends up dumping her. After Sarah is dumped she attempts a reconciliation with Peter. The way she wants to do this is through a sexual reunion. While attempting this Peter just cannot get things going. Sarah keeps asking "What's the matter with you?" Finally he yells - "Maybe the problem is you broke my heart into a million pieces and so my c**k doesn't want to be around you anymore! EVER!"

Well maybe just maybe your loving boyfriend has a wife who for some bizarre reason doesn't want to sleep with her husband knowing he is sleeping with someone else! EVER! Especially on their anniversary. That is like insult to injury.

by Mb 426 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2008 3:12 AM

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About the girls. I was their and my own daughters troop leader for 7 years. These girls are 17, 18 and 21. However, they will NEVER know any of the intimate details of my life, just as they never knew of the deep pain I was going through duing my divorce. I do not believe that as parents we should burden our children with our emotional turmoils, or with our sexuality. I never caught my parents in the throes of extacy and I am grateful for it. I would never let these girls know about this relationship. I am a friend of the family, plain and simple. ------ As for the wife and divorce it is out of the question and I am so grateful for that. She does not want a divorce. He said he wanted to marry me a while ago and I told him no. I meant it. ---- As for my disrespecting him by telling her, I asked his permission first of course. He told me that it was risky and he asked if I wanted him to go with me and I said no. I wanted to do it alone. ---- As for the reality or fantasy of wether he will cheat on me in the future, how can he? I am not his wife. If he decided that he had to feel the touch of some other lady, by all means he can. I won't stop him. Would it hurt me? I am not sure right now. If I had asked him to be monogamous with me maybe but i actually have encouraged him to try to engage his wife in sexual activity before because I thought that she must NEED it, (I know I would have) especially on their anniversary, he claimed he tried and she blew him off. I can't understand how a woman can not want to have sex with her husband. I can't no matter how hard I try. Yet this woman really doesn't, and I guess it is a medical reason, which is all the more reason for me to not be able to comprehend it. In other countries it is actually "normal" to have a mistress. Yet other cultures have men who have many wives, a lot of the posts here are very culturally judgemental, but remember that the internet is global.

by SmartNSexy 55 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2008 2:44 AM

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To Freeangel: I am relieved because I had wanted to tell his wife that it was me he was seeing for a long time now. He told me that she knew he was having an affair, but not with whom. I am not her friend, but I am close to this family. I am very close to his mother and sister and his three teenage daughters. I have only met his wife briefly a few times.

I never formed an opinion about her, I just did not want to hurt her, and I wanted her to know that I was not the type that would press him to leave and rip his family apart.

I have seen women who see what someone else has and they want it for themselves, and they basically do what ever it takes to lure a man away from his family. This was not that way at all. I resisted for several years my feelings for him. I made up my mind that I would never marry him. I remain firm in that decision. I just wanted to give her the chance to say what she needed to say to me, not always be curious, not have the inability to vent.

Since our face to face she called and asked a favor, and I gladly did the favor for her. It seems to me she is trying to accept me. I am blessed.

I am relieved to not have this feeling of betrayal upon my shoulders. I no longer feel as if I must avoid her in case she finds out it is me. It is out in the open.

i will write more about what he thinks about my discussion with his wife Sunday. He and I are going to talk about this situation in the morning. I do know that he isn't angry with me but nothing more as of yet.

Peace to you all.

by SmartNSexy 55 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2008 2:23 AM

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Gailmarie: If you're going to throw around judgment, you should at least be accurate about it.

Look up the meaning of "moral" and "immoral" in the dictionary. To borrow a phrase from a movie, I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.

Webster’s says “moral” relates to principles of right or wrong behavior and conforming to a standard of right behavior. The dictionary defines “immoral” as conflicting with generally held traditional moral principles.

Here’s the problem: “standards of right behavior” change with both the times and from individual to individual. My standards may be different from yours, but so long as I don’t act contrary to my own standard, I remain “moral.” Slavery was once “moral” in this country.

“Immorality” is all about tradition, which also changes. Not so long ago, interracial relationships and marriage were “immoral.” Before that, women wearing pants was “immoral,” too.

Grammar lesson aside, I appreciate the spirit of what you are saying, but the fact is that you don’t get to declare morality for me, Aimless, Smartnsexy or anyone else on the planet. We must each define our own standard to abide by.

by LynnJ 32 Posts
Posted on 11/7/2008 9:26 PM

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Sorry Aimless, but I have no clue what point you are trying to make. First you say "morality" is subjective and then you say that some of the choices that your mother made were morrally corrupt in your own mind, but you can't judge a cheating husband and a mistress as immoral. John Edwards is an immoral man and more so because he cheated on his wife when she had cancer. That is wrong. Immoral means that you do not have any values of right and wrong. Killing is wrong, stealing is wrong, adultry is wrong, therefore immoral. When you get married, your take vows that say that you will forsake all others, till death do you part. And there are further vows you make depending on what religion you subscribe to. When I read your blog, it seems that anything goes now a days. There is no sanctity in marriage any longer. As long as the people involved are alright with it, then it's OK. It saddens me to see that our society has degenerated so much that people no longer know right from wrong.

by gailmarielm 20 Posts
Posted on 11/7/2008 7:39 PM

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In all of this, what troubles me most is your headline. Like many here, I haven't read your posts much, and I have been cheated on.

Your headline, expressing relief over confronting his wife, troubles me. I don't understand why you felt entitled to such relief.

by freeangel 286 Posts
Posted on 11/7/2008 7:20 PM

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I couldn't read all the posts on what smartandsexy wrote, but it sure brought out some strong reactions. I may be wrong, but the majority if not all are saying that this man is incapable of having a monogamous relationship. Unfortunately, his wife has accepted this, blames herself and is willing to share him. That is so sad. I can't even imagine her living like that. My husband wanted me to agree to an "Open Marriage" and I showed him the door. He's happily surfing the internet, screwing anyone that says yes. And he's a charmer. He'll tell then that he loves them right away and for someone who's been hurt in a previous relationship, he sounds to them like he's the man they've been waiting for all these years. He's not. When he left, I found out all the people he was seeing, both men and women. When I confronted him, he said he was bi-sexual. He put my life in danger for his own immediate sexual gratification. I believe his wife should leave him too. It's unfortunate that they have kids. I feel for them the most.

by gailmarielm 20 Posts
Posted on 11/7/2008 7:09 PM

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I have not read you blogs, and frankly I am too lazy to. But why did you go over to your lovers house, did he know you were going or did you do it to be mean. How can he have any respect for you if you intrude on his life like that. You say you love him, but to me, that does not seem like love, it seems like being self centered.

Maybe this man does love you . Perhaps, but why then did he not leave his wife. I would say, he most likely loves both of you , in the way you can love two people equally poorly. That being said, she sounds like an angel and you so self absorbed , how could you compare to her.

I just think what you did to the man you say you love is so wrong and selfish, how could he still love you.

by zuck 9 Posts
Posted on 11/7/2008 12:00 PM

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I normally do not respond, but this one hit a nerve. I was the "other woman" in a relationship once, but found out while we were together I was only one of the "other women" in his life. He cheated on his wife so relentlessly it was unbelievable. I worked with this guy, so once I broke it off with him, I still saw different women pick him up at work for "lunch" and he would meet up with them after work, as long as he did not have to be home, or to one of his kid's games.

He never intended to be anything but a player and chose to stay married to the mother of his children and wife.

So my point here is this guy is probably out getting all the strange he wants and keeping his family too, what makes you so special to him. I think you spend way to much time alone so you have this fantasy in your mind that he loves you. He maybe does nice things for you here and there, but when he's ready to be with someone else, bye bye sns.

By the way, I rationalized in my mind that I was hotter than his wife and had more to offer. Guess what I was so far from right.

Then in my second marriage, I got to be on the other side of the fence, my husband whom I loved with all my heart, cheated on me and now he lives with her. I was devistated. I have consolation in my mind he will some day do it to her as well.

Cheating is never any good for anyone. It just causes pain for all involved. I will never be with a married man, I learned a very painful lesson, I too thought no one understood how we felt. But found out it was how I felt, not "WE"

by Sarahthewitch 3 Posts
Posted on 11/7/2008 10:46 AM

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I have to admit that I do get angry when I read your blogs. I try to look at it from your point of view and I can't see it, no matter how hard I try. What I see, is someone that was hurt and that maybe because your vows were taken so lightly (your ex), that you feel they don't mean all that much. Could I ever be attracted to a married man? I am sure I could be, it is a choice on whether or not to act on it or to leave it alone. I really think you should leave it alone and get some counseling, for you. Remember how you felt. That alone should keep you from going there, even if you didn't feel it was morally wrong. Let me ask you this. Don't you think you deserve better than someone else's husband? Don't you want to feel secure that the person you are with is not going to cheat on you? I think you must have been very lonely to even consider going down this road. Do I understand lonely? Hell, yes. Now that your emotions are involved, it will be harder to walk away than if you had not of gone there to begin with, but I think for everyone's best interests, you should consider walking away. It doesn't matter what is going on or not going on in their marriage, that is between them. I just don't think anyone should settle for someone else's husband. Marriage vows are sacred. Unfortunately, not everyone sees that or we wouldn't be posting here.

by militaryp 2952 Posts
Posted on 11/7/2008 7:11 AM

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I think I would have to agree with Spaz on this one. I get a funny feeling about her inviting you over for dinner. Even if she is ok with it right now, she might react differently once she sees the two of you together.

Be careful and good luck.

by sheilah 175 Posts
Posted on 11/7/2008 2:20 AM

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The ONLY thing I care about in this whole drama are "the girls" from his marriage. How old are they? What kind of situation are you throwing them in? If you want to continue your relationship with him & all three "adults" are on board with this. Then more power to you. I cannot imagine why either of you women would be willing to live with this type of arrangement. But people make decisions that I cannot imagine. I don't have to live with it so have at it.

HOWEVER ---- there are some children involved here who regardless of what you think - WILL BE HURT by this arrangement. SO --- Keep it private. Keep them out of it. DO NOT go to their sacred space - which is their home and invade it. Why do that to them? It's perverse. It's unfair and it's wrong. They didn't ask for their parents to have incompatible libidos! (Like that would ever be the only issue!) They didn't ask that you enter their lives. They have every right to keep their home safe from interlopers.

That said - what does this teach young women? That it is perfectly acceptable to "allow" your husband to stray and not only that you must sit through the indecency of sharing a meal with your husband's mistress in your own home? That women can accept a partial relationship rather than demanding a full relationship? I am appealing to your sense of decency. I am asking you to see that you have enough by your own standards. Let them have their home, their father, their mother to themselves. It's just not fair.

by Mb 426 Posts
Posted on 11/6/2008 6:22 PM

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Say one more thing then I will go.
this hits to close to home for me. STBex, gf tried to get me to be a friend..stating she was a very nice person.
I am taking the advice...I will not read any more of your blogs.
You are not healthy for me right now and I don't even know you.

by sjg 1770 Posts
Posted on 11/6/2008 5:42 PM

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To the person who said "He cheated on her--what's to say he won't do it to you?"--I'd be willing to bet he DOES cheat on SNS. Here's the thing--I don't think SNS necessarily minds that. The more I read this (and her other posts) the more it sounds like this woman doesn't mind sharing a man with someone else.

I just hope for your sake, SNS, that the wife really doesn't mind sharing her man with you--I agree, Spaz; there's nothing like the wrath of a woman's scorn.

Aimless--this subject does upset me, but I'm not posting here to judge SNS. I'm merely trying to shed some light on a different perspective. Firstly, that SNS realizes that the wife may not be as accepting of this as she first seemed. Like I said, she's losing her husband, and that's a lot like the death of a loved one. There are stages of grief. The Anger stage has yet to come. Secondly, that no matter how accepting the wife is of this arrangement, no one can argue that it's unhealthy for the kids. Screw the adults--they are grown-ups and they'll get whatever comes with their decisions. But the kids are innocent in all this. And finally, that SNS realizes that, while the whole thing may be morally wrong (at least in my eyes, but I've moved past that since I learned that SNS isn't morally grounded, and that's fine), that's the least of her worries if her lover decides to stay the course with his wife and leave her out of it. Like BlueB said--these are uncharted waters; tread lightly.

by marybecca2 807 Posts
Posted on 11/6/2008 5:10 PM

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So are we saying that it is OK to cheat on a wife who does not satisfy the husbands sexual "needs." So instead of working to build a close relationship that encourages emotional and physical intimacy the husband can just get sex elsewhere?? Or instead of exercsing some discipline and control to match his sexual "needs" to her sexual interests he can just run out into the jungle and find any willing woman (like an animal in heat would)??

About 20 to 40% of women have low sex drive.depending who you read. So are all those husbands up for grabs??

How about women with chronic diesease who are too ill most days to think about sex? Is it OK to go after those husbands too.

What about women with cancer, or women with sick/dying children? I bet those women don't meet their husband's sexual needs either. Are they up for grabs too??

I guess the real question is why do we think that American men are not able to control their sexual behavior? That a man's sexual needs outweigh the needs of his family? Do we really think that it is OK for men to behave like animals??

Let me know -- because the lady down the street has breast cancer and she is not looking like she is going to feel like having sex with anyone for a long time. Her husband is looking pretty good to me!

by Kath52 27 Posts
Posted on 11/6/2008 5:06 PM

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I hope that you take everything to hear that you are reading. I have been thru hell and back and I HAVE spoke to my husbands mistress. In the end, she was told (by him) the same things....that he wanted to divorce me (but was worried about his kids) he wanted to marry her, they even went so far as to look at places to move into. That doesn't bother me. My reason for posting to you is simply this. Whatever arrangements the 3 of you have made...it WILL affect his children. HOw do I know this? Because my husband introduced my children to his g/f after I filed for divorce. He still lived in our house and yet he took them to her place (where they slept on the floor) and still to this day ask "why did daddy sleep in Jenny's bed if he sleeps in your bed to??" They are TOTALLY confused about monogomous relationships, trust, and marriage. In the end, she left him because she knew he was never going to be able to commit....to me or her. Oh...and just so you know, she called me not too long ago (sobbing) into the phone letting me know she contracted and STD...herpes to be exact. I haveNOT slept w/ him in a very long time and I also have been to the doc twice and know I'm clean. She went on w this relationship believeing he wasn't screwing me or anyone else for that matter, and yet if I DON'T HAVE herpes...and SHE DIDN'T have herpes, then how did they get it? I'll tell you how....I found proof that he went online to different single's groups and he had one night stands when he would go away on business trips. Be very careful...as Dr. Phil has said "If a man/woman will cheat WITH you, they will also DO IT TO YOU when you decide to commit with them".

by momof4Illinois 215 Posts
Posted on 11/6/2008 4:54 PM

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Just a suggestion to some: to those that find these posts bring them pain, you now know that posts by this author will get you upset, so please stop reading them and head off the pain.

This site is not strictly for people that have been affected by an affair, though the large majority has, and in all of her posts, she has been quite polite even if you don't agree with her stance and find her as some sort of immoral monster.

If she keeps posting here, please don't read her posts and then you don't have to be 'pissed off' and hurt anymore.

Just a suggestion, since even I chose not to read/post comments on certain posts if they bother me...

by Aimless 1058 Posts
Posted on 11/6/2008 4:45 PM

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Well, apparently I didn't present my stance on this as clearly as I intended. Damn 2K char limit strikes again!

I think if this triangle persists, it'll be a bizarre situation that will eventually turn around and take a big chunk out of somebody's backside. I just hope it's not the kids who suffer.

But it is a good point that raising the kids with this triangle in place sure presents a strange picture of what family life is supposed to be. And I am not in favor of that.

Far better to divorce and still be a good dad and friend to the ex. I'm wondering why SNS says "they BOTH want to remain married" when in the post she says he's asked her to marry him? In his shoes, I would not want to stay married, especially if they could pull off one of those mythical "amicable divorces".

I'm not qualified to put myself in his wife's shoes, some male-female viewpoint thing. But I'd think I wouldn't want to stay married, either, if I were her.

So I'm not understanding why they stay in the marriage. If it's "for the kids", we all know from many discussions here, that's not a good enough reason; in fact, IMHO, it's a reason to divorce. Don't let 'em grow up thinking this is a good marriage (triangle or not).

I do understand making sure mommy and kids are taken care of, though. But, again, you can do that divorced.

I won't go so far as to say "I smell a rat", as they are big people and can do as they please. But this sure isn't the way I'd want to live my life; my moral perspective says it just isn't the "right" way to go forward.

by jhs 555 Posts
Posted on 11/6/2008 4:34 PM

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I was cheated on, lied to, taken advantage of, by not only my ex but the woman that he was screwing. We all worked for the same company. I'm sorry. I have no sympathy for anyone that cheats with a married man. I just don't. I look at the faces of our children and have no way to explain to them why this happened, again. We tried to get over one group of cheating, only to deal with another. Cheating destroys so many things. I'm sorry, but you really need to post elsewhere.

by Cindy123 27 Posts
Posted on 11/6/2008 4:21 PM

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I do have one other comment that I would like to add here. This is definitely interesting hearing from the other side (woman) in this scenerio. I have been cheated on and lied to --hence part of the reason for the divorce.

I really think you need to find another forum to post to. You are just pissing alot of people off that have had this happen to them. Yes there are different reasons why men and women engage in affairs. However what it comes down to is self respect, values and boundries.

Walk away from this situation ---fast.
Do not go over to her house for dinner.
Do not ever come near her home again.
He has a history of doing this through their entire marraige--who is to say he wont do it to you?
Marriage vows consist of through sickness and in health. If he leaves her to be with you and you become handicapped in some fashion or sort....do you really think he is going to stick by you? I highly doubt it.

I tell you what...coming from somebody that this has happened to.........if you came over to my house even for dinner? .......... I would have a freaking hay day with you....I would eat you for dinner and if there was anything leftover...breakfast too!!!

Again it goes to show, people who cheat are very self centered and narcissist.

by Dignified 163 Posts
Posted on 11/6/2008 3:31 PM

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