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RESULTS NOT TYPICAL

I keep seeing that disclaimer on the NutriSystem ads, and I chuckle thinking of all the other places it would be appropriate.

It occurs to me that all happily married people should also bear that disclaimer, preferably somewhere very visible, such as on their clothing, cars and luggage.

What the hell is the matter with my generation? I think the divorce rate of people my age (almost 40....almost) has got to be higher than the 50% we hear quoted. I think it might approach 75% or higher as the years go by.

Did we all have wildly unrealistic expectations? Is it harder for people to get along now? Are we just so developmentally delayed that everyone married too early, even if they were 35? Are we too quick to judge, to be resentful, to give up?

I'm part of it too. I can't help this constant feeling that if I just got away from my situation and married someone else, I'd be able to avoid all the mistakes I made, help her avoid hers too, and actually have a happy, grown-up relationship. But like somebody quoted earlier today....'I'm f'ing Irish, I'll live with a problem forever.' On the other hand, just look around your neighborhood and you'll notice that the grass IS greener on the other sides of some fences......

Anyone have any stats on the likelihood of success of second marriages as compared with first ones?

RESULTS NOT TYPICAL. 2- YEAR SERVICE CONTRACT REQUIRED. EARLY TERMINATION FEE APPLIES. PAST PERFORMANCE IS NOT INDICATIVE OF FUTURE RESULTS!!!!

by childless 534 Posts

Posted on 11/5/2008 12:58 PM

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Tags: divorce rates , unrealistic expectations , disclaimer , second marriages

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Comments for "RESULTS NOT TYPICAL" (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

Hell I am terrified to think what kind of dis-claimer I would wear but I know I would wear it on my ass proudly.
Mine would read something like....
gimme a ring and some respect, I would give you my life and heart. Oh shit those are wedding vows.... we all know how empty those are. lets see..... cant be satisfaction gauranteed..... how about Take me with food as I may upset your stomach?
WARNING: taking this product while your parents are alive can be fatal to your general emotional well being. Please take caution if operating a relationship with your SNOTTY X WIFE or any other heavy machinery, for the good of your children. Do not take if you have had a known allergic reaction to honesty, commitment and respect. If you feel any happiness or feelings of love please contact your nearest poison control center and lawyer as you induce vomiting

by Branny 838 Posts
Posted on 12/4/2008 9:11 PM

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Interesting. I just turned 50, so a different generation...we have not done well statistically either...perhaps our problem is the "live in the now" syndrome...I don't know, but as for second marriage... I was married in grad school...very short lived and this 2nd marriage the one I thought would work because I was older, etc. lasted longer (15 years), resulted in a kid...but he is now with one of my grad students...Iso no it didn't work out for me. I have heard third time is a charm, but I will not test this one anytime soon.

by Tess593 45 Posts
Posted on 11/19/2008 3:48 PM

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I'm one of the people that you want to slap a label on - I've been married for over 20 years - and our plan is to continue...

I'll tell ya something though, if the two of us didn't have jobs that pretty much REQUIRE good communication skills, which then trickle down into our daily lives, we probably could have ended up a statistic as well.

Marriage is work. It is a second, or in some cases, 3rd job - 4th+if there are kids...and trying to stretch yourself out that far can be taxing.

You know you have to work at your job because that is how you get paid - you know you have to work at being parents because kids need guidance - but who really considers the work they also need to put into a marriage, before it is too late? Who ever considers the "payoff" to working at your marriage?

A lot of people think - I work hard in every other aspect of my life, why should marriage be "work" - isn't it supposed to be the romantic easy part of my life?

You could marry yourself and still be incompatible sometimes - your one self could be in a mood your other self doesn't want to deal with....it working on and learning how to be compatible, even at the times you don't want to be - communicating wants and needs effectively that make a marriage work.

When talking about things always gets put off until "later" - later ends up in divorce court.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 11/5/2008 1:50 PM

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I've been thinking on this very subject for a while. I've recently come to the conclusion that my familial, marital background and how it differed from my husband's had a far greater impact on how we view relationships.

   I came from an un-broken home and two parents who went through all kinds of hell together and came out the other side with a fantastic marriage. My husband's parents share 3 divorces between them. I took for granted just how much that had to do with his comfort level of leaving a marriage versus mine. I believe he was raised with the mind set that you should leave any situation that isn't making you instantly happy and comfortable. He's a very self-centered person because of it, and I'm not sure that he should be married to anyone at all.

   I think our generation comes more from that very mindset than the one before us. It's all about personal, instant gratification. If you don't get it in you marriage, it's exceedingly easier to get out of it than it was in my parents' day. Far more acceptable, too.

by Maleficent 877 Posts
Posted on 11/5/2008 1:35 PM

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i liked this post.

my vote is for 'quick to give up', coupled with a massive amount of me, me, me-itis. toss in some 'i want what i want when i want' syndrome and a bit of 'i refuse to grow up cuz i'm a toys r us kid'...stir, sprinkle in some 'but my parents told me i could do anything i want cuz i'm special' sauce and voila....you have, lying, cheating, stealing and divorcing.

by paula1 12664 Posts
Posted on 11/5/2008 1:16 PM

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