ANGER CAN BE YOUR FRIEND 

Hey betabear!!  Yeah I've been thinking the same thing--where are all the good men at - I say they are either gay or married!! :) LOL  Anyways, with regards to my boys, yeah it hurts them that their dad doesn't see them and I make sure to let them know that I'm not coming in between them spending time with their dad, that's his choice in what he does.  He's too busy with his head up the tramp's ass he can tickle her tonsils right now!!  Ya know she cheated on her hubby and he cheated on me--where's the trust there?!!  That's his problem now and he has to live with that choice not me!! :)  Yeah my 15 yr old sees it and is upset becuz he and his dad were real close, but he also knows that he has a loving caring family here that will be there for him thru thick and thin.  My youngest is 9 yrs old and he's in therapy right now due to anger issues and rejections issues from not seeing his dad and he told his therapist one day that he doesn't understand why his dad doesn't want to spend time with them and asked the therapist does he love her more than he loves us and he asked her to does he love her kids more than us to?!!  That's freakin' heartbreaking to hear and ticks me off to no end--but I have to let that go and realize it's his loss and my gain--I have my boys with me and I wouldn't want it any other way.  When they get older and see him for his selfish ass that he is they won't want to have a relationship with him at all and he'll sit back and wonder why!!  Becuz he's a clueless asshole!!  You'd think over the holiday he's want to spend some time with them, yeah tonite he picked them up (with the tramp with him of course) and spent one hour (not lying either) with them--gee quality time - and yeah he's not dad of the year maybe sperm donor of the year or worthless piece of shit of the year!!  :)  There are good men out there we just need to know where to find them!!  And right now after getting burned so badly I'm not really lookin'!! :)

Hello Freedom and all the other supporters,
Wow, Freedom you sound like you really have got your
S#$% together.  What a jerk you were married to, I feel
your pain.  Looks like he's not going to win "Father of the
year" award. I so want to get out of this "Anger" faze,
year and a half into this, but I still numb.  Fortunately, I
have been having a lot of diversions around me to keep
my mind off it lately.  I just wonder how your kids feel about
a father that is so selfish he can only find brief periods of
time to spend with them?  That must hurt them alot and
make you feel bad for them.  They deserve a loving
father in their life.  And you deserve a good man too.
Where are these good men, very far a few between as
far as I concerned.  Only time will tell when I will feel
better.  Thanks to all of you for your support!!!!!!

It's okay to feel angry, but you don't want to let it take over your life and eat you up inside like a poison.  I'm trying not to let the bitterness and anger eat me up and take over my life, because I want to be happy and I want to live my life to the fullest.  I can't do that if I keep going around in circles on why did my ex cheat and lie to me....the why me stage!!  I've been thru that too many times and I guess I have come to realize that I need to get out of that rut.  Yeah I still wish bad things on him and his tramp and I think that will slowly (maybe not) go away--because yeah - my ex like yours is also the King of Denial--there must be something in the water or something!! :)  And I think that's what makes me so angry is that he acts like what he did is okay and he did what he had to do, or whatever he thinks to rationalize his cheating, that and the fact that he has chosen not to see his kids anymore but every 2 weeks for 1 hour each time--yippee dad of the year--NOT!! Anyways, I think anger can be productive and keep you focused and get things done, where if you are depressed you don't feel like doing anything and you do become a recluse--I know I did - I basically laid around in the fetal position during the first part of my separation and didn't want to go out or see anyone or even talk to anyone about anything!!  I went to work and basically went thru the motions and came home and holed myself up until the next day when I had to drag my ass out of bed and make myself get a shower, get dressed, etc...  I'm sure everyone knows the drill on here...but I do feel you can accomplish some things with anger, but I just don't want it to take over my life forever.  I want to get over the anger and bitterness and replace it with happiness, if this is with a man or without a man--I don't really care at this point in time!! :)

A good dose of anger got me thru my divorce. I kept it focused on the cause of my having to get that divorce. I have since let the anger go and I never did wish my ex any ill will.

I have accepted the fact that he has emotional problems (the need to cheat) and I am trying to move forward with my life.

I to am a recluse of sorts. I live on my farm for now. Way out in the boonies. So I don't have much opportunity to meet people. When I do have the occassion to talk to my ex and he starts rambling with one of his lies I have learned to tune it out. I sit quietly listening and thinking...That's lie #1 and this is lie# 2. When I hang up I can laugh about the game he is still trying to play.

My standards were already high and now they are so high no man coud ever meet them. I guess that says I am thru with men in my life for now.

It is OK to feel anger. It is not a bad feeling, especially if you have felt desperate and powerless in the past.  I use anger to my advantage and when someone tells me that I need to get past the anger I looked them straight in the face and ask "Why?"...usually no answer.  However,  I do agree that it is the first step toward healing and eventually it should be replaced by something else, but in its own good time, not on anyone elses schedule...too bad if it makes them uncomfortable.

I am sorry for the way you are hurting, I know from experience it is one of the hardest things to get past!
As for relationships with men, you need more time! I think the anger, bitterness phase is harming a chance for anything to go well in that department right now! I think your taking the right steps by concentrating on you and your family right now, but please find a way to let go of the anger, it's not healthy for you or your loved ones! Blog, blog, blog, let out your frustrations, it does help! I wish you the best!

I like that you're starting to realize what's important for you in a relationship, and that your requirements for what's required in a man have gone up.  Set that bar high, baby, because they're out there and you deserve one!