He Sounds Good on Paper 

Today I took my friend for her first chemo treatment. Her oncologist specializes in the kind of cancer she has and is a very odd guy. He was trying to connect with us, but doing so very awkwardly, telling jokes badly, finding common interests, but in a forced way.

On paper, he is a catch; a doctor, world-renowned for getting positive outcomes with patients that are considered hopeless. He is probably in his late 50's and isn't bad looking. He skis - he told us he has 2 houses in Park City. He loves his dog, a funny little shitsu that hangs out at the office. In fact, he loves his dog so much that he has giant sized pictures of him all over the office. He even showed me some pictures on his camera of his dog with a much bigger dog because he thought it was funny. He's into wine and restaurants. He made the surgeon come back from his ski trip early to do a procedure for my friend because he didn't want her to have to wait any longer. Did I mention he's a doctor, a Jewish doctor, a single Jewish doctor?

To make the time pass, we were gossiping about him a bit. I said he is one of those guys that sounds really good on paper, but you might be really put off when you actually meet him because he is so socially uncomfortable. He has a reputation as being rather forceful and a lot of people don't like him. But then I thought about it, and what he does for a living. He saves lives, but he also probably experiences a lot of loss. Afterall, most of his patients will die from their disease, and sooner than anyone hopes. Still, he keeps trying to cure them.

I imagine he isn't the kind of guy that a whole lot of people feel instant chemistry with, but I also imagine that is partly by design. He has a sign in his office - "if you're looking for Marcus Welby, look elsewhere" - or something to that effect.

People are such a mix of things. There are their accolades and then there are their quirks. There is the instant connection you might have to someone and then there is the one that grows over time. It's not that I want to date my friends oncologist, but spending the day there today made me think about the kind of man I do want to date and how the instant chemistry thing doesn't always get me very far, nor does "good on paper". So much of it is timing and openness and the ability to look beyond the initial experience and see if you want to get to know someone more fully. Sometimes the initial experience can be great and the answer might still be no, we had fun but there is no there there. And sometimes the initial experience might be less than what you were expecting, but there is still something worth exploring. I hope that when that opportunity comes along for me next time, I can see it.