My Pathetic Story or How a Man Made a Fool of Me 

I am finding it hard to move on, even though we have been divorced for 5 years.  Five years ago I found out that he was not faithful, but I could never find out who the little tart was.  I had hints here and there, but...I will spare you all the details of that time.  It is enough to say he agreed to a divorce and we agreed to joint custody.  My son was 10 years old at the time.  We agreed that he would spend 1 week with dad and 1 week with me...that seemed best at the time.  Now I question that decision...In any case, it seemed strange to me that he kept the identity of this tart from me, but I figured it was someone at work.  Work is a touchy issue...we both work for the same university, different departments, (both profs), his office is on the fifth floor mine on the third...I bet some of you are guessing where this is going.  Nevertheless, for the sake of my son I maintained a relationship with him and we spent every holiday together for my son...I always invited a lot of people to my house so that there would be a buffer.  Of course that didn't stop him from verbally abusing me and humiliating me...he always did that even when we were married.  I knew he was a passive-aggressive narcissist when I married him...so...anyway I hated having him in my house, but I thought we had agreed to put our son first.  That said, last year I invited him to Thanksgiving dinner and he came and actually behaved himself...I was of course suspicious...sure enough, a week later he tells me that he is going overseas for the entire break (about a month).  No concern about seeing my son at Christmas.  When I asked were he was going, he yelled "none of your business!!!"  Again, saving you from too many of the gory details in the end it came out that he was going to a country that is presently considered hostile to this country...Americans have gotten their heads chopped off there...that is when I knew who the tart was...and I freaked.  She was my grad student!  A student that I helped come to this country, I signed papers...that I feed, housed, and got four years of funding to attend this University...why did they keep their relationship of 4 years secret?...she needed to continue to use me...once she had completed her exams, and was ready for dissertation writing...she dumped me and took a new advisor...so I was made a fool of...and if this isn't bad enough she is trashing me all over campus, and on a student web site telling people personal information about me that she could only get from him...I have worked with people on campus to shut her down and stop the harassment, but they are all so afraid of getting sued by this student.  In any case, my son now 15 refuses to have anything to do with her and she can not be in my ex's house when he is there because there is a morality clause in our custody agreement...this is a general clause in all custody agreements in my state...this makes her angry and she goes after me.  When I am in my office she walks by and tries to taunt me...my mantra is dignity.  I just say it over and over again and ignore her, but it really embarrasses me...she tells other students that I am insane and that I need meds and to stay away from my classes.  She has told people she will get me fired and take my job and child...I have tenure and my department chair is aware of the situation and most of my colleagues think they are both pigs.  As far as my child, that isn't happening.  He is 15 years old and wants nothing to do with her.  She has effectively ruined his relationship with his dad...but perhaps that is another blog.  My son does not want to spend a week over there anymore, but my ex insists...we have to go back to court to change the arrangement and I am afraid.  I think the age for consent in this state is 14, but I think if we do go to court a 16 year old might have more say in where he lives...I just don't know and would appreciate anyone advising me here. 

    I don't know how to end this blog...I am trying to make holiday plans and he refuses to respond to my e-mails...he is breaking the custody agreement by doing this...So you see even though it is 5 years the last year has been a nightmare.  By the way I have not dated in 5 years, have put on 20 pounds...ate through the misery...and feel like a major fool.  Any advise or comments would help a great deal.