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Do the cheaters REALLY regret leaving their spouse? 

I keep hearing "he'll regret it, you'll see."...."he'll realize the mistake he made."

 

I honestly don't think he will.

 

He cheated.

He wanted out.

He filed.

Why would he regret it?

 

I will not lie, it would make me feel fantastic if he confesses to making the mistake of leaving me or if he regrets his decision but what are the odds?

 

I mean seriously, if you are the one to find someone else, file and want out -- would you really regret it?

 

Thoughts?

by PixieDust  18 Posts 

Posted on 10/9/2008 2:17 PM
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Tags: cheating , infidelity , regret , mistake
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Comments for "Do the cheaters REALLY regret leaving their spouse?"  (178) (You must be logged in to answer)




Before you conclude I am a scumbag, please have an open mind as you read.  I was married for 15 years and although, I do feel guilty for cheating, but I do not regret leaving my wife.  My marriage was over for about 5 years prior to me meeting my current wife, who I believe to be my soul mate.  I married my ex wife young, because she was pregnant.  It was for the wrong reasons in the first place.  Although we had some good times, we grew apart and I fell out of love with her very early on into the marriage. We remained somewhat happy until a few more years went by and then I was completely unhappy.  She was unloving and bitter, without a heart for anyone other than herself, which I could talk all day about, but won't go there.  When I met my current wife, I had a love at first site butterfly in me, but we didn't really become friends until a few years past.  We somehow became friends and as time past, I grew more drawn to her until I decided to leave my wife.  After a few months, I decided to go back to my wife to salvage things.  About two more months past and I was lost and empty without my affair partner.  We had cut off contact and I couldn't stand being without her.   I then decided it was time to really leave.  I moved out, filed and never looked back.  My now wife and I held off for awhile because of my children.  We then started our relationship fresh and my children and her get along well.  My children are now grown but at that time were 18 and 14.  I've been married for 10 years now and I have never felt more fulfilled than I am with my soul mate.  I had never cheated ever and didn't intended to, but we fell in love because that is what was meant to happen.  Do I think I should have divorced first?  Yes.  But at the time I couldn't tell if it was infatuation or love and I was unsure.  So, no regrets.
by InLove14   1 Post
Posted on 6/18/2014 6:17 PM
3





I think it just depends on the situation. In your case, maybe not. There might be some regret for hurting you, but it doesn't sound like he would regret his choices. 
I personally did cheat on my husband, and did regret it. To the point that I confessed and apologized repeatedly. Not that that excuses it. I felt very guilty but our marriage would have failed either way, because he was an abusive alcoholic.
by Lifetravelsfar   4 Posts
Posted on 11/24/2013 5:55 PM
2





I don't know if they ever regret it but I know that we, the cheated on, quickly find the need to feel better about ourselves...what bigger hit to take emotionally then to have this person that you vowed to love, cherish and all the rest of the happy horsecrap suddenly go elsewhere for the intimacy that we craved with them.  I know my marriage of nearly 21 years wasn't perfect but there was love and a sense of sanctuary at home, well, at least on my part.  She was never denied anything.  She never eluded to being unhappy.  For the lies, deceit and betrayal that she committed, I was crushed and enraged.  I stopped asking WHY years ago and I also stopped caring if she regrets it.  She helped me to get over her.  The Empty Chair didn't work...saying I forgave her was a lie to myself...but her past and continued actions have me asking myself, "What did you ever see in her?!?!?"  That is what my hangup is now...trying to be sure the next time that I don't pick badly again.   I don't need to forgive her and it doesn't weigh me down at all.  I don't condone her actions or the actions of anyone else that has done the same.  Very short sighted and very selfish, especially with a child involved.  As far as I'm concerned, let them all burn in Hell.
by Ric3   36 Posts
Posted on 11/13/2013 11:43 PM
13





I believe that cheaters usually regret cheating especially when they have a good wife. I have heard it too many times that they regret it but it's too late to go back now. They always seem to think the grass is greener on the other side until they get over there and realize that the lawn still has to be mowed. Some people are not willing to work at a relationship when issue arise so they seek a quick fling because that takes no work but even slut wants the picket fence life at some point in her life then mr cheater is back to square one when that happens and realizes that it's now time to work at this relationship. This is the time regrets normal takes place. I know it's difficult but it's best to move on yourself and not waste your precious time thinking about him because chances are if this is fresh he is not thinking about you and will not do so till things get sour with his new fling.
by Luz   1 Post
Posted on 8/9/2013 12:15 AM
6





I don't know if a cheater really feels remorse.  It's hard for me to say because mine is still denying that it happened.  Finding all the receipts and monitoring his shady behavior wasn't enough for him to acknowledge that he cheated.  He'll go to his grave keeping his "secret" before he ever tells me that he did it.  So, I don't believe that I will ever hear that he  is sorry for what he did.  The thing I think that he's most sorry for is that he underestimated me and thought that he could go on and financially provide for our children and me and I wouldn't say anything about it.  In his mind, I wouldn't rock the boat.  Well, I did and repeated questioned him about the receipts and the things that I just couldn't ignore.  
You see to me it's hard for me to believe that a cheater can truly feel remorse because once a person makes the decision to be with someone other than his/her spouse there is no more "shoulda, woulda, coulda." The deed is done and you have cheated.  What happens after that is usually a series of deceitful lies and cover-ups all in the name of "she gets me," she knows what my favorite drink is," or "she brings something to the table that you don't."  Well, then legally divorce me and go be with her/marry her.  It's all good!  Just keep me out of it!  Don't try to have me and your mistress on the side.  
Bottom line, when we marry we promise to Love, Honor, and Obey.  Is it Loving when you take up the company of another while you wife and kids are at home on Friday night movie night thinking you are out of town on business?  Is it Honoring when you take your mistress to an exclusive spa for expensive spa treatments when your wife is at out with your youngest child buying supplies for his upcoming science fair project?  Certainly it is not, but the cheater has already decided some parts of the marriage vows don't apply to him/her.  So, remorse and regret...Nah, I don't think so.
by BOver   36 Posts
Posted on 6/30/2013 10:52 PM
4





My husband has to know I know but he is grumpy and mean. I guess he feels it was my fault.  Going to fill out divorce papers. My heart is broken. But he doesn't care never will.
by Prospilot   2 Posts
Posted on 1/26/2013 4:30 PM
3





Well I found out my STBX wife and the guy we bought a vehicle from thought we were friends.  Well called him and for some reason didn't hang up the phone and then heard her voice now this is 8 am in the morning and she said did he say anything about our son which I adopted the 3rd father he has had now and them she tells him how she so loves him.  Now working out of state I was dumbfounded and it was on fathers day this year nice dads gift u think.  Confronted them both they denies it and a buddy of mine tweeted about her and this guy and he has te balls to txt me and call me which I don't answer.   I filed and she was served at his place and she admits to the relationship but after we were separated which never occured.  So going thru the whole process now.   I'm hurt trust is all gone with people and just do not know how to continue.  Cheaters are bottom scum and they are shallow and narcistic
by Rod42   250 Posts
Posted on 10/9/2012 7:50 PM
1





the very fact that they saw cheating as an option speaks volumes about their character.  I know my ex didn't appreciate the gravity of his actions and never will.  We're almost 5 years divorced & both remarried.  We co-parent our daughter (from our 10 year marriage) and whenever things get strained with the arrangment, I always remind him that this is the continued fallout of his dumbass selfish decision all those years ago.   He always gives me his idiot look likes doesn't have a clue why i have to keep bringing "that" up.  So its been my experience that cheaters don't really ever get it and its easier their ex's if they accept as soon as possible.   


by timless   1833 Posts
Posted on 9/17/2012 5:58 PM
5





I always like coming back to this post as so many of us go through this but isnt it amazing how shallow a person it takes to cheat, lie, back stab when all it takes is for them to grow a set and not marry someone they dont love or dont want to be with. Shallow minded people amaze me that is for sure.
by gregory1969   2010 Posts
Posted on 9/17/2012 5:13 PM
4





Some cheaters will feel guilty but never admit it.  Others will rationallize and feel ok with it while still more will not even think about it at all and never will. It would make me feel better if my ex wife would admit everything and say she was sorry but she won't.  So I shall just have to live with it as I have after all these years.  Sorry, but there are no answers here for you.
by ManWithQuestions   4 Posts
Posted on 8/21/2012 10:18 PM
2





In the end, it's all about ego, I suppose.  I'm not sure I ever was in love with my wife the way I should have been.  I thought married love was something different.  We had very little sexual chemistry if any, and I often lied about how attracted I was to her because I didn't want her to feel bad.
I met someone with whom I had real sexual chemistry and it became clear very quickly that I was with the wrong woman.  I don't resent my wife, but I do want to move on so that I can be with a person with whom I have something that is satisfying.
I think in wanting the other person to have regrets, you are really asking for validation.  "I am someone worth being with, and you should know that."  But that's about you, not your spouse who left.
The thing is, you ARE someone worth being with or you wouldn't have attracted a mate in the first place.  He just wasn't the right man.  And that's OK.  It's no reflection on you.  We allow our self-esteem to get so tied up in what other people think, especially our spouses.  Let him go and find your self-esteem inside of yourself first.
by Whizbang   1 Post
Posted on 7/7/2012 1:56 PM
11





really i don't think they realy care about it, cheaters are usually self centered people who only care about themselves, about the comment that cheating is a result of a bigger problem, i feel it is the problem of the cheater, the family srvc gal said same thing like it was my problem, if she was a guy i would have knocked him on his ass! to forgive is a joke, the people say its for you not the cheater, so you can move on, make you a better person, b.s., it changes you, it makes you gaurded, use lose that childlike quality of kindness, i feel cheating is a moral crime, i feel yes it builds us more ready for life, ready for a life of gaurding our hearts vs opening them up,  before this happened to me i had been broken hearted before, but not after a 20 yr marrige, this will affect my kids, this woman should be held acct for something, she was, she now owns my home, my suv, truck, motorcycle and my balls for 9 yrs, remember i didn't cheat, she did, soemthing wrong here? i will not forgive ever, i will know in my heart this beouch will never care a butt hair about what she did ucz she is a no heart skank, cheaters men or women should be held acct'l to something, that would make doing something like this would make them not do again.
by pissed1   7 Posts
Posted on 6/2/2012 9:44 PM
15





Yes, my ex (divorced for 1 day now) said he had regrets a few months ago.  He goes back and forth, though.  He still blames me for all his shortcomings.  It gives me no pleasure to know he has regrets because I knew he would.  I was very dedicated and loved him.  I worked hard for my family and didn't mind the sacrifice.  I take care of myself.  He is very large and very selfish.  And very sad.  The woman he cheated with is a worthless piece of trash.  I don't know how she had such a hold on him.  I remember how devastated he was when she broke up with him.   He laid in bed and pretended to be very ill.   I didn't know what was going on at the time.   The divorce is clearly his loss and he will not won't realize the impact until later.  Another man will likely take his place and love and prize me like he couldn't.  In fact, it is already happening but we are keeping things private.  My ex is a very foolish man.
by haboo   983 Posts
Posted on 4/17/2012 11:35 PM
10





News Flash folks and that is Life aint fair and no we dont collect 200.00 bucks or get a cookie because we were the innocent spouse of a lying ass back stabbing slit your thoat and smile doing it cheater. There is no choir out there that sings for us, television show no fire works. Just the plain out pain in your guts and the everyday heartache and struggles as we try to take on this world alone.

 

Does my ex regret doing me wrong?? I dont know and honestly I dont focus on her if she does or doesnt. Focusing on the eex empowers them and I dont need to worry about her anymore. So if she does or doesnt that is not the issue the issue is that I have a low done good for nothing proud self imposed ex wife out of my life that refused to be constructive and robbed me of my happiness as she was too selfish to consider my happiness, my feelings, and my values. She cared only for her feelings, happiness, and joy so I say a little prayer and thank God everyday that she is gone and done for.

by gregory1969   2010 Posts
Posted on 3/7/2012 11:11 PM
24





PixieDust's initial post was years ago. Has anyone ever received follow up to see if he ever regretted it??

I have heard the same thing as most of us have. " They will regret it and that the grass is not greener on the otherside..."
 
Does anyone have a feel good story about how their ex regretted what they did to you??

In my case, I don't think my wife will regret leaving me. She started being emotionally distant in Feb. Sexually cut me off in May. I was told, I love that you are the father of our two children, but I'm not in love with you anymore and then she said, she didn't know if she wanted to be in this marriage or not after 10years. We went to counseling but she just went to say she tried. I tried talking with her for 4 months. She said she was not promising anything. She mentioned the D word. I over hear her talking with a friend telling them she has not loved me for 2 years or so. I went ahead and filed in Sept. Always suspected her of cheating until I read an email she left open last Sunday. That finally confirmed what I had known all along. Approaching mediation pretty soon. Working through it day by day.

    

by Jonesy1   8 Posts
Posted on 11/10/2011 12:39 PM
8





My uncle's ex-wife cheated and initiated a divorce.  About eight months later, she told him it was the worst mistake of her life and that she wanted him back.  By then, he had moved on and wasn't interested.  These things do happen.

My STBX suffers from mental illness (bipolar-ish, but hard to diagnose definitively) and has moved into a mental space where he believes he's way better off without me, despite the fact that I fought like hell for him and for his health and loved him unconditionally for five years.  People tell me the same thing--he'll come to see this as the biggest mistake of his life, and by the time he tells me so, I won't care anymore.  But I'm with you--right now, more than anything in the world, I want to hear him say the divorce is a mistake and I'm the best thing that ever happened to him.  Can't wait for the day I don't care anymore.
by TheYoungAmerican   93 Posts
Posted on 7/18/2011 1:10 PM
15





A  cheater will always be a cheater,he will have no regrets on what he have done and will still have no regrets in doing it again to others..
by nbaume   141 Posts
Posted on 7/13/2011 8:25 PM
7





This is interesting! I m beginning a divorce, my husband told me life was easier without me so I left and decided it was time to move on. I was a mother to his two kids from a previous marriage and we now have a daughter together. Nothing I did was good enough for him- I didn't do laundry right and  everything was half ass. Some days I would cook dinner before I left for work but it became impossible to keep up with 3 kids, work full time etc etc. I believe every marriage goes through these hardships- he just wanted someone to make his life easier without putting in the work or effort on his part. but no matter how many people tell me I'm better off and he will see how much I did after I am gone, I still miss him. I feel like I have lost everything. I don't think he will ever admit to himself or anyone he took me for granted. Although I have my suspicions he has cheated, I don't have proof. I don't want to know at this point, nor does it matter. The best thing I can do for myself is to take care of my daughter and myself the best I can. Hopefully I will find someone who appreciates me. Good things come to those who are patient. As for him, even if he does look back and realize he made a mistake I don't think it will matter
by Leen   18 Posts
Posted on 7/4/2011 10:40 PM
10





I hear you with the "he'll regret it" lines.  I think they do regret it in many ways. As life is not the fairy tale or ideal we wish it to be.  Another thing I see is "karma". I do believe in this. :) My ex got crabs from the love of his life. This was poetic justice! I laughed until I peed my pants and then the moron actually called and asked me how to get rid of them! Even Better! I did scare him a bit and tell him that it was really hard and Kerosene and an match were the quickest way to deal with them....I then told him to call his Dr :)  It was nice to hear him squirm a little.  Part of this feeling is dealing with the anger and betrayal. This is so hard for me, but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. It takes time and the quicker we learn to forgive the quicker we can walk away and embrace the new lease on life that we are given. 
by sal29sparkle   20 Posts
Posted on 5/23/2011 10:38 PM
10





His regret for his conduct towards you is the least of your concerns!  In fact, it shouldn't be a concern, I suppose. 
 I think my husband has serious issues and it frightens me that he has done so little to address them.  I'm more worried about him ruining his health than discovering regret over me.  I figure cheating is a symptom, not the issue.
by Redfeather   71 Posts
Posted on 5/7/2011 8:40 AM
7





I also found photos of my husband with his girlfriend and a personal note from her on his fb and classmates.com... He still denies it, and they have become very secretive...., He even told mutual friends of ours all about her and how much they have in common, yeah right, wait until every day life sets in and we'll see how much they enjoy each other... he's not always the smiling prince charming like as he's pretending to be now.  Just wait, not many people will be as tolerant as I was...
by glb   21 Posts
Posted on 5/6/2011 2:51 AM
20





Although I would like to think differently..., I too agree with Pixie Dust.  In my case my "soon to be ex" (as his girlfriend so eloquently told me) is so self centered, he has no regard for anyone besides himself.  To meet him you would think you just met the All american guy, God, apple pie and will be the first to let you know how honest he is and is always doing the "right" thing.  Unlike everyone else in the world.  I would have never dreamed he would ever step out on me.  Let alone abandon me, with nothing and then lie about me  to make himslef look good I suppose.   Stunned is putting it mildly.. Although I can always in the back of my mind picture the unlikely event and him grovelling and heart broken..., Karma
by glb   21 Posts
Posted on 5/6/2011 2:41 AM
10





Although I would like to think differently..., I too agree with Pixie Dust.  In my case my "soon to be ex" (as his girlfriend so eloquently told me) is so self centered, he has no regard for anyone besides himself.  To meet him you would think you just met the All american guy, God, apple pie and will be the first to let you know how honest he is and is always doing the "right" thing.  Unlike everyone else in the world.  I would have never dreamed he would ever step out on me.  Let alone abandon me, with nothing and then lie about me  to make himslef look good I suppose.   Stunned is putting it mildly.. Although I can always in the back of my mind picture the unlikely event and him grovelling and heart broken..., Karma
by glb   21 Posts
Posted on 5/6/2011 2:41 AM
0





Although I would like to think differently..., I too agree with Pixie Dust.  In my case my "soon to be ex" (as his girlfriend so eloquently told me) is so self centered, he has no regard for anyone besides himself.  To meet him you would think you just met the All american guy, God, apple pie and will be the first to let you know how honest he is and is always doing the "right" thing.  Unlike everyone else in the world.  I would have never dreamed he would ever step out on me.  Let alone abandon me, with nothing and then lie about me  to make himslef look good I suppose.   Stunned is putting it mildly.. Although I can always in the back of my mind picture the unlikely event and him grovelling and heart broken..., Karma
by glb   21 Posts
Posted on 5/6/2011 2:41 AM
0





Although I would like to think differently..., I too agree with Pixie Dust.  In my case my "soon to be ex" (as his girlfriend so eloquently told me) is so self centered, he has no regard for anyone besides himself.  To meet him you would think you just met the All american guy, God, apple pie and will be the first to let you know how honest he is and is always doing the "right" thing.  Unlike everyone else in the world.  I would have never dreamed he would ever step out on me.  Let alone abandon me, with nothing and then lie about me  to make himslef look good I suppose.   Stunned is putting it mildly.. Although I can always in the back of my mind picture the unlikely event and him grovelling and heart broken..., Karma
by glb   21 Posts
Posted on 5/6/2011 2:41 AM
3







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