GETTING RID OF MR. WRONG IN TEN EASY STEPS  

Step One: Be Positive. You’ve probably shared some special and intimate moments with this man. So, if at all possible, it’s best to end the relationship on amiable terms. You’ll feel better about yourself and you’ll part ways in a better state of mind. The worse break-ups occur when both parties exacerbate the pain with poor behavior.  

Step Two: Set a Timeline The sooner you accept the “officially broken up” status, the better. If you are living together, you need to come up with a firm deadline (no more than a few weeks) for separate living arrangements.  

Step Three: End the Physical Connection. If you haven’t gotten to moving out day yet, you need to sleep separately. So many couples get back together because they resume their sexual relationship. If the temptation is too strong, find a friend’s couch to sleep on.  

Step Four: Don’t Flaunt the New Guy Don’t bring a third party into the equation. If you’ve already started to date, that’s fine, but avoid exposing your ex to your new life. If your partner cheated on you, you may be tempted to pay him back. But you are only demeaning yourself by stooping to this level. Treat your ex the way you would like to be treated.  

Step Five: Don’t Bad Talk Him. Even if you’re justifiably upset at his philandering, deceptions, or other unacceptable behavior, only confide in close family members and best friends. Don’t make public the sordid details of your break up. Spreading dirt about your ex will keep you from getting over the relationship. It can also backfire and make you look bad.  

Step Six: Agree on Property Be fair. Ask yourselves, who brought what into the relationship? If he paid for everything, you may be at his mercy. He owns what he purchased. If you shared costs, establish need versus want. With animals, consider who had the pet first, who was the “primary caretaker,” and where the pet would enjoy a better standard of living.  If children are involved, this is a whole other issue. The best interests of the children come first. You may need to seek legal counsel.  

Step Seven: Agree on the Division of Assets. Divvy up bank accounts and investments properly and completely. Do not continue to share a financial connection. If you purchased property together, you either must buy your ex out, let him buy you out, or liquidate the asset and split the proceeds fairly.   Step Eight: End Privileges. Don’t swim in his pool. Don’t let yourself into his apartment to use the bathroom whenever you’re in the neighborhood. Don’t run up a balance on his credit card. Taking advantage of these pre-break up perks can range from territorial (you’re checking up on him) to unfair to theft.  

Step Nine: Avoid Attorneys. Lawyer fees range from $150-$350 an hour, billable in quarter hour increments. Attorneys operate with a win-loss mentality. They’ll advise you to go after the maximum possible, knowing that compromises will occur. This can transform what could be an agreeable breakup into a war.  

    NOTE:  in most divorces, you WILL require an attorney, and even if the break up is amicable, you'll need your OWN lawyer (don't share with the soon to be "ex").  Do try to keep things civil, especially if children or significant finances are involved.

Step Ten: Forgive Yourself. You may not have been perfect, but relationships are really tough! Not many of them succeed. Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. An even higher percentage of premarital relationships won’t last, but that doesn’t mean the individuals in them are failures.  

Once you’ve done the deed and left him, avoid break up remorse. You may experience regret, be haunted by memories from a happier time, and be tempted to reconcile. Don’t! You didn’t do all that work for nothing.

Ditching Mr. Wrong frees you to find a better, healthier relationship.