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The pendulum

The pendulum keeps swinging and I want so badly for it to stop. I am away from home on business which gives me even more time to reflect and go into the unending self examination of everything. It is getting exhausting.

Soon after my painful journey began I reached out to a friend for support only to find that he is on his own journey. His however is from the perspective of my STBX. He kept communication open enough and now has a chance to save his marriage. I am trying to help him see the value and honor in holding onto the slightest chance for hope. Tonight he told me that she is his best friend and he can't imagine losing that. He wants to try to see if they can make it work. I told him to hold on tight and to speak to her from his heart.

I hung up the phone and started to cry...my best friend is gone and I cannot get her back. She decided that this is they way for me to spend my days swinging from despair and sorrow to confusion and indifference to semi-acceptance and forward thinking and then all the way back again.

I know that the pendulum will lose its momentum and I will settle into a place where I can choose the next path. I just hope my pendulum settles soon.

by boxerjo 69 Posts

Posted on 10/29/2008 6:37 PM

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Comments for "The pendulum" (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

Wow, that sounds like me too... I definitely lost my best friend too. And, her brother was my best male friend, and I lost him too because of her.

It definitely sucks.... but I've been reaching out to long lost friends and finding new friendships. You never know what could happen. I'm not looking for anything more than friends right now. I know I could not handle anything more.

Isn't it weird how some people can jump headfirst into a new relationship and it takes others longer?

by Brian60 325 Posts
Posted on 12/30/2008 1:54 PM

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boxerjo....I'm sorry for your pain and wish I had better words of comfort. Truthfully there are none. You lost your hope and dreams. The trick now is to pick yourself up and start a new life. It will go through many stages... just set a goal and reach for it. It's hurtful now and you should mourn but don't let it consume you. Realize it is important to keep moving forward.

Alway be there for your children and keep them close to your heart. Remember they need a strong daddy. Hang in there and you will get through this.

by bleedinglovepain 760 Posts
Posted on 11/4/2008 9:49 PM

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This sounds familiar as I've been experiancing it too. She's in a good mood, then critical. She reaches out to me, then pulls away. It all gets too difficult to explain. Just take care of yourself and make sure you're OK. Like they say on airplanes "put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others"

Good luck

by EricD 133 Posts
Posted on 10/29/2008 10:06 PM

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I feel the exact same way. A day can be great one day, then a minute later I'm right back thinking about my stbx and how this all happened. I've lost the only friend I had to another and there's nothing I can do about it. I used to cling to the thought that she was probably suffering through the same feelings and finally woke up.

Your analogy is spot on. It's a pendulum and it goes where it will regardless of what we would like it to do. I have noticed that it hurts a little less often than it did a few weeks ago and for me this is a vast improvement. This all must be part of the healing process and I envy you your ability to break down and cry. I would do anything to be able to just spend a few minutes crying a bit of the pain out.

mominny does give us signs of hope. I just wish it didn't take so much time.

by NAD 31 Posts
Posted on 10/29/2008 10:03 PM

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I think being in a pendulum is part of the whole process of healing. When you cry nice and hard it does make you feel at least a little better. Then we have to build up again to cry again. I am also swinging back and forth. Looking forward to a year from today. As mominy said it will be better. Take Care.

by 123 1906 Posts
Posted on 10/29/2008 9:45 PM

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I remember the same feelings of despair. I know right now it doesn't feel like it will end but the bad days will eventually become further and further apart.

I remember people telling me it takes a few years to really get through this journey, I would say to myself a year, I don't want to waste a year of my life feeling like this. After seventeen months of separation, my life is better in so many ways, unfortunately it all takes time. Time to heal, begin new dreams and mourn the old dreams. Good luck.

by mominny 219 Posts
Posted on 10/29/2008 7:52 PM

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