How did I tell the kids about the divorce? 

I split with my ex 7 months ago. My kids were one and 2 at the time but my daughter is now 3. We lived together for a while so the permenantly living apart arrangements have been quite recent. Last night my daughter told me she didn't like it when it's 'just one' and likes it when it's mummy and daddy together. This made me so so sad, guilty and emotional. She's fine today but it made me realise they're not always as ok as they seem. We also have an amicable parenting arrangement and spend birthdays, Christmas etc together as well as the occasional meal etc. The strange thing is though, we still share the family home. We can't afford to sell up and buy a 3 bed home each and all new stuff. So the kids stay in the house and we swap instead. I divide the time without the kids between my parents' house and my new partner, who is terminally ill. Do you think this is worse for them than if they were the ones swapping from house to house? I thought it would be more stable for them and a short term financial solution but now I'm not so sure. I also hate the control he keeps over the house, I'm not allowed my partner and his children to stay and his flat is too small for all of us to stay together and we don't have much time left. I hate this house anyway, too many bad memories, I need a fresh start. The house is in both our names and I have worked throughout, more than him to pay for it.

Thanks for your post and sharing your sensitivity on this topic.

My own experience more than a decade ago led to my writing a guidebook for parents on how to create a storybook with family photos and history as a successful way to have the tough break-the-news conversation. I’m recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce and my new book is How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children -- With Love! What makes the book unique is that I don’t just tell parents what to say. I provide customizable templates to say it for them!

 

Therapists, attorneys, mediators, educators and other professionals from around the U.S. and beyond have endorsed the book, attesting to the value of my fill-in-the-blanks, age-appropriate templates. Six therapists contribute their expertise to the book, as well. My goal is for divorcing couples to stop, talk and create a plan before having that crucial "divorce" talk with their children. I hope, for the sake of their kids, they will decide to move ahead in creating a child-centered divorce. For free articles, ezine and other valuable resources on this topic, visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.

Best wishes,
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT