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What Does Adultery Show Your Children? 

Adultery is something that's supposed to be forbidden in marriage but it's been happening since possibly since the beginning of time. Most of the time, we try and keep that kind of thing hidden from the children, but what happens when they find out? How can we deal with explaining it to them? First of all, it's really an adult matter and in my opinion, children should not have to deal with it. But, if they are older children, teenagers perhaps, and they find out about it, we do need to offer them an explanation so they can kind of try to understand. In my situation, my daughter was way too young to know what happened but my son was a teen, almost an adult and he knew already what was going on. I had to explain to him that even though "dad" was a good hard working man, dedicated to his work, he was not very good at being a "faithful" husband. He must have felt that he needed to be with someone else, even though I was trying my best to make everything right. I had to explain that dad's behavior was not supposed to be how a man treats his wife or a committed relationship. A true healthy relationship is supposed to be a trusted relationship with just the husband and wife. I knew that he understood me some, but in some ways, I felt that he was going to have to grow up a bit more to really grasp what was going on. I felt like I needed to let him know that this was not good because I didn't want him to think it was ok for him to do it since he saw his dad act this way. But no means was this an easy task. I think that talking to children about an adult's infidelity has to be extremely one of the hardest things to talk about.
by deborah-trevino  1099 Posts 

Posted on 12/17/2007 4:41 PM
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Comments for "What Does Adultery Show Your Children?"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)




I'm 37 and I don't understand it. I can imagine how hard it must be for a child. A child can understand that it is wrong and that a parent is supposed to be a role model. So why would their parent purposely do something that was so wrong?

 

My husband abandoned me and our son for his high school girlfriend. I never in a million years thought he'd become an adulturer. I had a picture of him as a freshman in college. He's on the community phone and his buddy snapped a picture of him at the very moment he was told his father was having an affair and that his parents were divorcing. I will never forget the look on his face. Then when we first started dating his mother cheated on her 3rd husband. My STBX stopped talking to his mother for 10 years as a result of her lying to him about it. He started talking to her 1 year before he had his affair. They are very close now.

 

My STBX always talked about how he would be a father like his father never was. Now he's exactly like his old man in so many ways it's scary. I'm terrified that my son will turn into his father now. I would have been thrilled if he turned in to the man I married, but not the man I'm divorcing.

 

My son will find out sooner or later. He has cousins who are as old as 16 now and they know the whole story. They'll talk.

by BecksMom   232 Posts
Posted on 12/27/2008 6:29 PM
0





My 55 year old husband has at least two affairs (and probably four).  Three weeks after we separated last November he started intimate relationship with a young young woman (25 years old) who is married and has two very young children.

I have to wonder what he would think if his daughter (age 22) started up a relationship with a 52 year old man who was just separated from his wife.....  My daughter and I though about hiring an actor for an evening to see how he would feel about that.... 

Of how he would feel if our son's wife abandoned him with two small children to care for while she runs around with an older man???

I wonder if my husband is just not able to step outside himself and see his behavior as he would see someone else's behavior.

But seriously I think that you have to come out strong against adultery unless you want to see it come up again in your children's lives.  Even older children look to their parents as role models.  If people make excuses for the adulterer's behavior then the children may think that adultery has little negative impact.  That could be dangerous for your children later in life and may decrease the likelihood that they will be faithful in marriage.
by Kath52   27 Posts
Posted on 7/25/2008 4:11 PM
2





Adultry is a sin in God's eyes.
I have a son and if he turns out like his father I would be so upset.My son will know what his father is and that he is not perfect at all.My husband continues to lie to me about what is really going on.Hopefully when my son meets a lovely girl,he will remain faithful to her for the rest of his life.And his dad can rot in hell for his sins.
by angmiller   3 Posts
Posted on 2/21/2008 4:53 PM
2





Yes you need to tell the childred but I wouldnt go indepth about it. I would be honest. My children had an absent father. I think what they have learned is how NOT to be when they become fathers themselves. When he sees the hurt that you have gone and are going thru, he will think twice before doing it to someone else. Kids aren't as naive as we think they are and they are very protective of their mothers.
by Lori-Woodall   923 Posts
Posted on 12/17/2007 8:20 PM
3







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