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Why Do We Stay? 

Why do so many people stay in relationships that are either unhealthy or they aren’t happy??

We know its wrong, but we stay anyway. Some people will tell you it’s for the children. That is a theory I have never agreed with. I think children would be much happier with two parents living apart happily rather than together miserably.
 
Infidelity, that word doesn’t even need anything else to accompany it in a sentence because it speaks for itself. How do you trust a man (or woman) after they have committed the ultimate crime against the relationship?? Believing them after that, to me, would be something that I could never do. And what if they do it over and over again??

A friend of mine stayed in a relationship with a man for almost 20 years and 3 children, when she knew he wasn’t loyal before they even got married. He was good looking and charming but why would you put yourself thru that?? When you’re with a man, you should feel safe and secure in your world. There should never be any doubt or mistrust when he tells you something, you should be able to believe him. And if he isn’t happy with what he has, why is he staying anyway?? Out of guilt??

How can you say you love someone and then have sex with someone else? A lot of people are blindsided, not even knowing there was a problem to begin with. And if he is the one that cheated, why would you beg him to take you back?? Do you have no self-esteem or self worth that you think this is what you deserve??
 
I know love is a very strong emotion. People do a lot of things in the name of love but is it worth it?? How can one person have so much control over your existence that you’re willing to do anything to have them in your world?

Who are the biggest cheaters, men or women?? What you read and hear on TV always point the finger at the men. I think, women are just smarter and they don’t get caught. Men like to flaunt their triumphs, women do it for the satisfaction, not the notoriety. We like to feel desirable, and if the man you’re with doesn’t make you feel that way, it’s easy to stray to someone that does. Just my opinion, of course.
 
Either way, I don’t justify or agree with straying outside a relationship. End it first than do what you want. It’s not fair to anyone involved if you stay married but have affairs on the side. If you ever loved the person you’re cheating on, show them the respect they deserve and do the right thing. Walk away. And if you’re the victim, you will survive. There are so many worthy people out there, to think that this is the end of your world is not reality. This too shall pass.
by Lori-Woodall  923 Posts 

Posted on 11/2/2007 3:07 PM
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Comments for "Why Do We Stay?"  (5) (You must be logged in to answer)




My soon to be ex husband had at least 2 affairs during our marriage and probably 4 affairs.  In addition, he has a sort of progrssive addiciton to porn. 

In 2002, after I caught him in the 2nd (OK maybe 3rd) affair it was my intent to ask him to leave at that time.  Telling our children was THE MOST AWFUL thing I have ever had to do.  After I told our 19 yo and 17 yo they talked me into waiting until their younger brother finished high school. 

It turned out to be a good thing because I was able to resolve a lot of debt and pay off my house in the passing 5 years.  My ex had another affair and never cared.

Weeks after our court date he (age 55) started seeing a dance instructor (age 25, married, 2 children.)  He is a charmer. 

The children still think it was right to wait and I am inclined to think that it was easier for me at the end.  Most of the emotional stuff was over for me long before he finally moved out.
by Kath52   27 Posts
Posted on 8/17/2008 5:34 PM
0





fritz... I just read your comment, my experience from the past...  My cheating ex would not leave until he made it my fault..  He did not want to take blame for the marriage ending. The end of story, he never admitted to the affair, I followed him and caught him, but he still denied...we lived in separate parts of the house, separate lives until he had enough and left. his reasoning, my fault I didnt give him the affection he desired...(he was still in the same affair)
 Your husband wants his cake and eat it too.

why would my husband and I not call it quits after a year of marriage?  Still trying to figure it out... He promised and for a short time was prince charming. I wanted to believe in fairy tales, even at my age.  He thought he could change me into a dependant 1950's wife by manipulation, he doesnt like being alone.  By the way I am a independent, self made woman, because of survival through the past.  (or thats what I was before this relationship)
by diditagain   8 Posts
Posted on 8/16/2008 10:01 AM
0





I personally  am not afraid of being alone. I was fortunate enough to live on my own before marriage so I don't have the story of going straight from mom and dads to ours with a husband. But, I know that this is a huge issue for many. Especially is you have been abandoned in the past.

As for me, mine is ego. I don't want to be a failure. I am in the constant pursuit of perfection. I don't want to admit that I could not make a marriage successful. I don't want to admit that I could have been wrong.

My other reason has been that I did not want to hurt my spouse. I did not want them to be homeless, or lose the home they have had for the past 7 years.

And all out avoidance of pain. We are all programmed to seek pleasure and avoid pain and I know that it's going to hurt.
by Petty   36 Posts
Posted on 8/14/2008 1:15 AM
0





One reason I think we stay is in some situations we feel we may be the reason things are the way they are. So we try this and that and the other and sometimes they work sometimes they don't.
Another reason we stay is that so many of us are afraid to be alone. That is a big scary world...I know I was. I was alone for a few months after my first marriage and about a year after my second. I had a boyfriend for 7 months and when we broke up I finally decided it was ok for me to be by myself.
Low self esteem...in thinking there is noone who will love us. Sometimes we are born with it , sometimes it is beaten into us.
Infidelity...to stay ? Well I would say that we love them and want to think they will stop.
It is hard for us to believe that someone would do this to us. It has to be our fault , right? So we try to change to fix it .
Many reasons....
by mtnvly   3539 Posts
Posted on 7/15/2008 5:11 PM
0





i have a husband that has strayed for a year now why doesnt he leave me ahd just go be with her ive already been in the hospital twice because of this i just dont have the backbone to leave nor the money why wont he just leave if anyone has an answer let me know
by fritz   31 Posts
Posted on 6/8/2008 4:48 PM
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