Should I Stay or Should I Go? 

I just found this website today.  If anyone could direct me to the correct place, I would appreciate it.  I'd like to type my story (debating on filing for divorce) and perhaps get some feed back from anyone.  I'm not sure if I go to "blogs" or "groups" or where.  Help!  Thank you!!

I was in a relationship like that for more than 35 years and finally I decided I had enough.  I lost myself in the marriage; and its taken me 3 years of therapy and a great group of female friends to get me back on my feet.  I am now very happy with "me" and he is still the same negative person he
always has been.

I am happier being alone than I was living with him and listening to his crap !

Just remember the advice of friends can be mislaeading and untrustowrthy.  Take it with a grain of salt, cause in the end you will be the one that has to live with the advice, not them.  If the advice is bad, oh well you live with it.  If it's good, then everybody is happy. Your choice.  So take your pick.... Talk to a prfossional, then compare.

This is a response to DK's post - RE: " Staying together for the kids" One of the first things I do with couples I work with is to make them understand the serious damage they are doing by role modeling an awfull marriage to their children. I tell couples " Your relationship is the foundation of their lives, you owe it to them to do the best you can for your marriage". Not all marriages can or should be saved but many can

It has only been a month since I filed for a divorce. I feel your pain, my hubby was well liked, and easy going..and I was just a bitch. I don't even think that I could breathe right.in his opinion. Anyways.... I often wonder,  if It makes them feel superior... to have the upper hand in the physical and emotional abuse?? It is weird... but I think my hubby did this because he was unfaithful, and he didn't know how to deal with the guilt.  Believe it or not..the stress that weighs you down  24/7, ...will catch up with you and you don't want to go down that road.
I am learning the hard way..no one will ever bring me down, and make me feel like shit.. ever again. Life is to short and I would rather be alone...then to be miserable.  I took control of my own life, and my own happiness. It has been a struggle for me...but the only one that can make me happy is ME!!!   I  don't have to put up with the horse shit anymore...It's  all about me!!   I no longer have to  please a controlling husband.. and I love it!!  If I want a Dog..to keep me company...I'll run out and buy one...If I want to spend a couple of dollars on myself....I will and for the first time I will not feel guilty.   I will never beg for anyone to love me ever again ...nor will I allow anyone person to disrespect  me.... I will never put myself in a unhealthy relationship ever again..Because I LOVE ME and my needs and my wants..... are what matters most to ME!!

I know what they are going thru, I have been married to a verbally/emotionally abusive man for over 20 years.  About 5 years ago I left only to make the mistake of going back.  Everyone that knew us thought I was wrong and couldn't believe I left such a "wonderful" man.  They never saw the controlling, they just said it great having someone so caring and concerned about me.  They saw the Mr. Nice Guy he wanted them to see, they didn't see the phone calls I had to constantly make during breaks at work, in my travels to and from work.  They didn't see the times he would checkup on me at home when he worked nights.  They didn't realize that the excuses I made for not going out with the girls for a movie were because he wouldn't let me go.  No one saw that I had no feelings or thoughts because he always told me I was wrong.  No one saw that he treated me like a child and that I had to be told what to do every minute, even though I knew how to do things.  I went through counselling because I had all sorts of problems and he had none and  refused to go to counselling, it was through both a professional counselor and our church.  He does have a temper and I do fear that if I were to leave again he would get physically abusive and hunt me down at work as well.  The only thing I have going for me is the fact that he is not taking care of himself where he should be.  Physically, he is over weight and does nothing to help himself.  He smokes, doesn't exercise, eats junk and sweets more than he should, has family history of cardiac problems (both parents died of strokes).  I am a medical assistant and according to him I know nothing.  So now I just sit and wait for him to have the big one, because I can't leave him, he is such a "Nice Guy".

Sometimes it is so hard to have that kind of conversation because it so easily gets derailed.  Is there any chance you can tell him exactly how you feel in a letter??

I am answering this blog because I am in the process of a divorce.  I've been married for almost 24 years (nov.)  and are children are grown.  Well I brought a dog because I am home alone most evenings and my husband refused to to talk to me afterwards.  And so out of years of frustrations about his refusal to resolve many many problems or situations over the years I finally had it and went to seek counseling in an attorney.  After that our relationship was on the rocks,but I tried to apologize and tell him I was impulsive and made a big mistake.  Two months later he filed for divorce after our son broke in our home and stole all his stereo equipment.  I feel the blames me for it, but my son was angry because I was sick about two weeks before and did not take me to the emergency room.  So from there it has gone down hill.  I want my marriage and love my husband dearly but he refuses to reconcile.  I wrote him a letter and told him I was not leaving and I was staying with him because I love him.  I have not done anything in 24 years but be a mother and wife and nurse.  I even got rid of the dog a week ago to prove I was serious about our marriage.  Yet he stills wants to divorce and he tells me nothing but I gave you my answer.  I also found out my sister-in-law knew he would give me a second chance but refused to tell me.  I tried to tell him that we never had a conversations like that and he is not listening.  Yet I do not want to leave him or my home.  Is there any advice?  I don't want to end this marriage.  Help