Infidelity Forgive or Forget?  

Dear Broken-Hearted Girl, Many factors can ruin a relationship. Infidelity is one of the top reasons.

Why is it that infidelity is hard to forgive and forget? The aftermath is usually longer than the actual affair. What are the effects of infidelity on a relationship? Trust: Infidelity breaks the trust that one has for their partner. An affair is cloaked in location and activity lies. And it’s difficult to believe what one says after the lies surface. And if there are children in the relationship, they are being lied to, also.

Lack of trust may cause constant suspicion and interrogation. This can create a tense and hostile home environment, even after the affair is over. The lingering aura of the affair is enough to cause spontaneous arguments. Self Esteem: Infidelity hurts one’s partner, because it may attack their self-esteem. One begins to question their value and worth. They ask, “What is it that their lover has that I don’t have? Are they younger, slimmer, better looking?” Self-analysis easily transpires into self-criticism. And self-destructive criticism manifests into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

One who feels ugly, sometimes becomes ugly. Depression is a highly plausible result of destructive self-criticism. Depression literally depresses drives and motivation. The desire to care for one’s physical appearance begins to decline, which a cheating partner can use as an excuse for their behavior.

Also, children can question their worth when they witness a parent’s infidelity. Many may blame themselves for the parent’s absence. They may feel if they behaved better their cheating parent might not have been driven away. These can lead to anxieties in a child such as perfectionist behavior or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Girls who grow up with an adulterous father may develop trust issues with men. Or she may have hostile feelings toward them because of what she witnessed as a child. Boys who witness infidelity may have low respect for women as their father did for their mother. They may feel that being a man is equal to being adulterous. If their mother is the adulterous one, he may view women as immoral and have resentment issues. Infidelity is an expensive habit. If it leads to divorce, the legal judgments may be affected by infidelity. Infidelity can also affect child custody rulings.
 
Character judgments will be filtered through the affair. It may be embarrassing for the adulterer and their lover to be publicly scrutinized. Infidelity usually makes for a messy divorce. And post divorce relationships can often be bitter and hostile. Some of this damage can be repaired through counseling. But some damage is irreparable. Before entering into an affair, remember the effects of infidelity can be permanent.