Hello, Is The Man of The House Here? 

One of my biggest challenges is raising my son. My daughter is easier. I’m a woman. I’ve been through most of what she will face.

But my son…….I’m a woman. I’m afraid of making mistakes with him. I worry that he doesn’t have a man around all the time to learn from. I feel like I’ve failed him because I can’t provide him with a full-time father.
 
I’m slowly learning how to raise my son to be a loving, responsible man. A Few Things I’ve Figured Out So Far

• Even though J.L.’s nickname is Little Man, I have to let him know he’s not the man of the house. This is a tough one, because he feels the empty space in our family and wants to fill it. He wants to look after me when I’m sick. J.L. worries if he overhears talk about money problems. Little people have big ears. We adults tend to forget that. He wants to fix things that break. I tell him not to worry, it’s his job to be a little boy, do good in school and enjoy his life. Mom will take care of the rest.

• Male role models in his life don’t have to be limited to his dad. He has a wonderful uncle who’s also got a son and they all three go on fishing trips. He has awesome grandfathers to tinker around the garage with, and I try to involve him in sports so he can be around other boys and get a positive role model from the fathers who volunteer as coaches. J.L. takes guitar lessons, and loves his teacher. Tom is a great influence on him. Tom just graduated from college with a bachelors in music and impresses on J.L. how important school is.
 
• I point out J.L.’s positive traits. When he helps with household chores, I tell him what a wonderful man he’s growing up to be. If he entertains my daycare kids by reading a story or playing a game with them, I tell him that some day he’s going to be a great father.

• I encourage his interests, and learn about them if I have to so I can teach him or be involved in his hobbies. J.L. loves tools and the idea of woodworking. I’m an artist, writer, knitter, and spinner- not Bob Vila. I talked to some people in the know and found the best way to begin. We ordered some books for kids on the subject and together we are learning to use a scroll saw. I love it! It’s empowering to take a step into male territory. We are cutting out sock blockers for my hand-knit socks. Mom and J.L. both win.

And here’s an article I really liked: Raising Boys: Ten Tips for Single Moms. I agree with a lot of what she has to say. Sometimes I see other little boys playing ball with their father’s and I get angry at the ex and have to choke back the tears and the nasty names I call him in my head. When he misses his dad, I listen and try to be understanding. If I got any thing at all out of a 14 year marriage that collapsed on top of me, it was J.L. and Linne. And how could you resist that face up there at the top if this post?