My mother’s recent passing had me thinking of many things, including  love. It was an unbelievable past few days, where my father, my ex-husband and our children, came together to spend the last few moments of my mother’s life before she passed on to the next part of her journey. 

While the love I felt during the last few days came from a spiritual place, it was nevertheless a love that was comforting, peaceful and appreciated. My mother’s passing allowed me to speak to my ex-husband on subjects that I had wanted to talk about for a long time. Our son’s current situation had triggered so much about my past life and spending time with my ex at the hospital gave me an opportunity to talk about my experiences and lessons learned in a truthful and heartfelt way. Spending time at my mother’s bedside and sharing a few laughs and tears had ignited a feeling that I never felt for him in more than 20 years; a feeling of love that I never felt before. A love that is based on mutual respect, little or no expectations, honesty and that took several years to develop. It proved to me that being friends, as we have become in the last two years, is necessary for any relationship.

It also made me think of how fast I used to jump into relationships without really knowing the other person I was involving my whole self and children with. It’s hard to say how much time is enough after a marriage cause so many of us think we feel something in a new love relationship without really understanding what caused the breakup in the last relationship. I know I didn’t fully understand it, until years later. 

As I get older, I understand that love is much more that physical. It has to first start with getting me healthy first, fully knowing and understanding me then perhaps allowing space for another person. As a friend of mine once said, you work on being the best you can be, and I’ll work on being the best I can be, and together we can be the best couple we can be. Without loving yourself first and living your life, you won’t be able to fully appreciate another person. So first things first. Start with you.