What could possibly happen if you went with your heart, told the truth and started living your life in an honest and heartfelt way? My mother’s last few days triggered many thoughts and feelings that without heart, truth telling and love, I would not have experienced all that I did. As I sat next to her swollen body, holding on to her small lifeless hands and listening to her labored breathing, I thought of life, her life and how every decision we make impacts the next.
I had thought of removing the oxygen mask but couldn’t because I was afraid. It wasn’t until after I talked to Father Tony that I realized that I was holding onto my mother’s life so that I could prevent my grieving process from starting. Truth is that I was afraid that I’d respond to her passing the same way I had responded to my first husband’s death and to the many subsequent relationships that had failed. I remembered jumping into relationships one after another and numbing the feelings of hurt, pain and loneliness.
Now, as I write this, I can’t help but think that my fears of rejection and abandonment have also been lurking in the shadow of the many relationships I had including the one with my mother. Combine that with my needs of affection, attention and security, it was no wonder that I felt abandoned when some of the relationships ended. In the last few years, I learned that allowing myself to feel the pain and the sadness when a relationship is over is the only way to go. When I finally started to tell the truths, feel the different emotions and take risks, things started changing for me.
Over the course of my mom’s last few days, my ex husband and I talked about some of the experiences and memories we had when we were married to one another. Those intimate and truthful deep conversations seemed to ignite something so profound that I felt a bond with him. The connection had been sparked a few years ago, when he split up from his wife and when we started being friends and parenting our two, now grown boys. Had I been then who I am today, I may not have been asked to end that relationship over 20 years ago.
If only I understood, then, the importance of friendship, being real, being honest, accepting myself and of unconditional love. When love moves me to action and I face my fears, I find myself experiencing a more spiritual life filled with gratitude, compassion and hope.
What could possibly happen if you went with your heart, told the truth and started living your life in an honest and heartfelt way? Your life would unfold as it is intended and people around you would feel your energy, courage and spirit. Your relationships would become more intimate, warm and loving and you would feel at peace with the decisions that you make despite, at times acting out of fear.
Linda G. Robert M.A., M.Ed., is known as The Solution Lady for personal, self-care, wellness and life solutions. She's worked in the mental health field and education field for several years as well as in law enforcement. Find out more about her at www.lindarobert.ca. Check out her newest booklet at http://www.myarticles.thesolutionlady.com/index.html. 