Divorce among American Muslims

    Waheedah Safiyah Shabazz, a devout Muslim woman, left her husband after three months of marriage. She was pregnant and alone. “The first time he raised his hand to me, I walked out,” she said. “I didn’t have money for a divorce, but I never saw him again after that. Once Muhammed turned 18 and I would no longer be eligible to receive child support, divorce papers from my husband arrived in the mail.” 

Shabazz is unfortunately typical of many American Muslims who are unfamiliar with what their faith teaches about both marriage and divorce, and get little support from religious leaders when entering a marriage or when leaving it. 

“I was 24 and having too much fun,” she relates. “I told myself that I should be praying more, settling down. The Prophet, peace be upon him, says that marriage is half your religion. I didn’t really know the man well. I met him at a social; he was looking for a wife, and I was looking for a husband. He didn’t even have a job, but our imam didn’t seem to have a problem with that. The marriage was all wrong from the start.” 

“Only Allah should be single — everything he created in pairs,” says Qur’an Shakir, an Atlanta teacher who coordinates an annual marriage conference for Muslims. He writes a column entitled “The Road to Nikkah” for the Muslim Journal and conducts weekly sessions on personal development. “But you need the right tools to find a good mate. I tell people, know yourself before you try to connect with another person.”  

“Islam makes it easy to form a marriage, but it is designed to discourage divorce,” explains Faheem Shuaibe, an imam (Muslim religious leader) from Oakland, Calif. “The Prophet Mohammed says divorce is the most hated thing that Allah allows. A pious Muslim would be reluctant to do what the Prophet says is most hateful.”  

“There are many steps — hoops to go through — before a divorce can be finalized,” continues Imam Shuaibe. “The framework is set out in chapter 65 of the Qur’an, entitled ‘Talaq,’ which is the Arabic word for divorce. It’s one of the short chapters!”  

“A man may not initiate a divorce while his wife is on her menses. There are neurological and mood changes in a woman during her cycle.  The man of the Prophet Mohammed’s time was not a sophisticated person. \He was apt to do something rash, to lose his patience, particularly during that time. “

He has to wait until three menstrual periods pass and can’t turn her out of the house during that time. That’s an opportunity for reconciliation and to confirm or disconfirm a pregnancy. If there is a pregnancy, they must wait until the baby is weaned.
 
“Two arbiters must be appointed, one from each family, to try to bring about reconciliation. If the couple has intercourse during that time, the talaq is annuled. If there is no intercourse or pregnancy, and the couple still can’t resolve their differences, then obviously divorce is best for this couple. The divorce is final, and the woman may keep her dowry.”