What Happens when He Disappears?

    You’re starting to date again after your divorce and you even manage to have a good time every once in a while. Then, POW! You connect with someone. The conversation flows, his kisses are passionate and he leaves you with the warm fuzzies in your heart. Your heart races, your hands get sweaty and you start asking your girlfriends if they think it’s too soon for you to call him. You liiiike him. You think you could even looove him…maybe. You see potential boyfriend material here.  

Then a few days pass and you don’t hear from him. “That’s cool”, you think. He’s busy. You know he digs you so you’re not concerned because you’re fabulous.  A week goes by and perhaps you’ve put in an ‘easy-breezy-beautiful Cover-Girl’ phone call. It goes a little something like this: “Hi ______, it’s me. Just having a laid back Sunday and hoping you are, too! Give me a call when you get a minute.”  

All of a sudden two weeks have elapsed. You’ve texted him a less than breezy, “Hey what’s up?” Suddenly you’re not feeling so fabulous and ‘poof’! He vanishes into the ethers. Was he kidnapped by gypsies, abducted by aliens, or lying face down bleeding to death in an ally somewhere? Or worse, married to someone in Canada? Yeah, …and maybe I’m Miss America.      


HOLY HOUDINI!

Julie Goldman is a successful real estate agent in New York who has been divorced for three years. She met a man at a party who turned out to be a magician. Literally. He showed her card tricks, made her laugh and asked her out. “He was certainly different than anyone I’ve ever dated and miles away from my ex who was a banker. ‘Fun’ was what was missing from my marriage and that’s the main quality the magician had. He made me laugh and I felt really comfortable with him. It felt great, and there were no warning signs he’d make himself disappear.”  

Therapist Phyllis Morton of New York says, “Often times men would rather remove themselves from a relationship than confront what’s going on. They don’t want to be perceived as ‘the bad guy’. What they fail to recognize is that by not acknowledging the situation that ‘bad guy’ moniker becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s important to keep in mind is that the reason he dropped the ball has nothing to do with you.”
 
Easier said than done says Goldman, ”The magician and I were dating for about six weeks when all of a sudden he disappeared I kept my contacting him to a minimum because I didn’t wan to be one of those ‘annoying’ women. It was the not knowing what happened to him that drove me crazy. I kept thinking it was something I said that turned him off!”    

Why is it that even the most mature, experienced and self realized woman can be reduced to a pre-pubescent brace faced girl when that phone doesn’t ring?  Hold on to your sanity and don’t run out and buy that emergency pack of smokes, binge on pizza, or drink a whole bottle of wine by alone. There are actual physical steps you can take to make yourself feel better that are healthier for you. Here are some options to consider when the man you thought was the one becomes MIA.