Alexis Martin Neely wanted her husband to learn more about the family finances. But he wanted nothing to do with it. Unlike most marriages where women turn over the financial decisions to men, Martin Neely had an expertise in financial planning -- and her husband did not. “He had no idea what was going on with our family finances so he could not make good decisions,” said Martin Neely, 34. “And when we got divorced, it ended up costing us more money."

If he had tried to learn more about the finances.... "he would have had a lot more ability to made good, smart decisions and have more access to information about finances and net worth. Instead, he was clueless," said Martin Neely, one of 35 financial experts that www.divorce360.com heard from when compiling a list of the “Top Seven Financial Tips to Help Counter the Top Seven Financial Mistakes Women Make When They Marry.”   

Topping almost everyone’s list was the common practice of women turning over all their financial power, and assets, to their husbands. Martin Neely owns a family law firm Martin Neely & Associates in Redondo Beach, Calif. “Even if you are not the family breadwinner, you've got to be the family CFO. It’s the number one, most important tip I can give any woman,” she said. “Know where the money is coming from and where it is going.”  


1. TAKE CHARGE OF THE FINANCES AND HAVE A WORKABLE BUDGET.

“Every women should be the family CFO. As CFO, you are the one who is paying the bills, keeping track of what you owe and how it’s titled. Even if you aren’t the one earning money, if anything happens you are in the power position. You’re the money person,” said Martin Neely.    

It’s basically a spin on the not giving all the financial control to the man in the family. “Handing over all control of the money to your husband "because it's a guy thing" is a bad thing to do,” said Tracy Piercy, certified financial planner professional in Victoria, B.C. Hand-in-glove with that is what Piercy lists as the second biggest mistake that women make: “Putting off talking about money issues with your spouse.”   

“Failing to discuss financial goals prevents couples from going in the same direction and can lead to divorce,” according to Harrine Freeman, founder of H.E. Freeman Enterprises, a personal finance services company based in Bethesda, Md. “Discuss your spending habits, develop a plan to achieve your financial goals and stick to it.”   

This means living  within a budget. According to Alex Kindler, a CPA at Horovitrz, Rudoy & Roteman in Pittsburgh, Penn., who analyzes the finances of divorcing spouses, a major problem women encounter is the “failure to establish a spending and savings budget during the marriage. A budget can be a useful tool and may help mitigate some marital discord. Clearly, a budget facilitates a spouse’s understanding of the current financial picture to assist in asset and debt division pending divorce."   

And most of all, be honest. “Be frank with your husband about your finances, and make sure he's frank with you about his. Most financial mistakes and mishaps can easily be avoided if you talk to one another. It's not rude or crude to do so especially if you're married. You should never be uncomfortable about talking to your spouse about finances. Discuss things like ownership of existing assets and whether or not any of these assets will pass to individuals outside the spouse; discuss debt issues because this will come back to haunt you should you think of purchasing a home together; discuss whether or not you'd like to keep separate bank accounts,” said Lori Epstein, vice president of MetLife's Advanced Markets team, New York, N.Y.