Ruth Houston was taping phone interviews for a series of articles she was writing. When she replayed the tape, she was shaken to discover that she had inadvertently taped a number of phone calls between her husband and three women he was having affairs with. In the 15 years since she pressed “play,” Houston, author of "Is He Cheating On You? - 829 Telltale Signs," has interviewed close to 10,000 therapists, cheaters, victims, private investigators, divorce attorneys and sociologists about the subject of infidelity. She’s learned the spouse is usually the last to know.

“A majority of people don’t know their spouse is cheating on them,” said Houston. “And it’s not because they’re in denial. Most people can list the obvious signs of an affair, but the majority of signs are very subtle.” If you have a hunch that your spouse is cheating, you’re probably right. Studies show that 85 percent of the women and 80 percent of the men who think their spouses are cheating on them are right. But, get your ducks lined up before you ask.  

“Rule No. 1 is ‘Never ask a cheater if he’s cheating because the answer is always ‘no,’” said Houston. “Cheating and lying go hand in hand. So, never confront unless you already have proof. Otherwise, you’re in for ‘No, I’m not!’ ‘Yes, you are!’” 

While you can do some investigating on your own, suspicion of an affair elicits pretty strong emotions, which can cloud reason and set you up to see something that’s not there. If you find you’re unable to be objective, a private investigator can help. Below are some reasons why you might chose to hire a detective and nine questions you need to ask to make sure your interests are protected. 

However you chose to go about it and whatever the results of your investigation, ignorance, especially in the age of epidemic sexually transmitted diseases, is something you can’t afford. “Most people just want to know, so they can make a decision and get on with their lives,” said Houston. To see a video of Houston click here.


THREE REASONS TO HIRE A PI

1. To know for sure. 
If your spouse is cheating on you, you deserve to know. Likewise, knowing that your spouse isn’t cheating will save you from taking actions you may regret. Houston recalls one client whose husband was secretly planning a big anniversary party. “After the party, he was going to take her on the cruise of a lifetime. It was something she’d always wanted to do,” said Houston. “In the months before the party, there were lots of phone calls in other rooms, money was withdrawn from bank accounts, and he was absent without plausible excuses. On the surface, his actions looked like infidelity. The wife was too embarrassed to talk to any of her friends, but she did go to her lawyer and asked him to draw up divorce papers. She was all ready to move to another town. The party came as a complete surprise.”  

2. To protect your interests. 
With HIV/AIDs, having a cheating spouse could be a life or death proposition. Moreover, a cheating spouse may move or hide financial assets prior to announcing they are leaving you for their lover. Be smart and find out what you’re dealing with so you don’t get checkmated.