For a newly divorced person, Valentine's Day can be a time that reopens wounds...
10 Tips to Survive Valentine’s
Coping: After Divorce, Give Gifts, Attend Singles Events to Enjoy the Holiday
By MANDY VEMULAPALLI
Some people believe Valentine’s Day began as a Christian holiday, when one of the several Saint Valentines sent a love letter from prison and signed it “from your Valentine.” Others believe the holiday is pagan, derived from a Roman festival in February celebrating spring and fertility. Yet no matter how it began, Valentine’s Day has become a day for lovers to celebrate and for the divorced and single to dread. “For a newly divorced person, Valentine’s Day can be a time that reopens wounds that may have just started healing,” says Barb Nefer, a counselor with a doctorate in Psychology. “By making a plan for Valentine’s Day beforehand, you take power over the situation so grief can't sneak up on you.” This year, instead of dreading the holiday, here are 10 ideas for surviving, and maybe even (dare I say it?) enjoying Valentine’s Day.
1. Instead of feeling badly about not receiving any gifts, become a giver.
Make a list of people you love and surprise them with something thoughtful. Remember the phrase: “it’s better to give than to receive.” Give it a shot! Plan to hand-deliver as many gifts as you can so your day is busy and full of good feelings.
2. Plan a night out with your single friends.
Chances are you’ve still got one or two. “Remember that it’s not odd or unusual in any way to be single on Valentine’s Day,” says Kristin Cavins, a mental health counselor with a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology. “Right now there are more singles in this country than ever; it’s a great time to have a party or go out as a group.”
3. Gather up those old love notes that cause more pain than anything else and have a Valentine’s Bonfire.
You can do this in your fireplace, make a circle of large stones in your backyard or go somewhere neutral where it’s safe to build a fire and light it up! Burn those letters one by one or toss them all in and watch the flames roar. Nothing warms a wounded heart more than destroying painful memories once-and-for-all.
4. For those who are ready to move on and feel that Valentine’s Day requires a date, find an appealing singles event in your area.
Look on community websites or in the local paper to find advertised events or just ask around at the office, church, temple or any other place you frequent. Not one for singles events? Don’t be afraid to browse online dating sites. “I’m a big fan of online dating for singles,” says Cavins. “I think that’s a wonderful way for people to dip their toes in the dating pool. It’s good to post a profile and see what’s out there.”
