You’re in love. You’re spending every night together. The weeks, months, or years go by. Pretty soon the question becomes obvious. Why don’t we just live together? You’re practically doing it already, except paying rent on two places for the privilege.

You’re pregnant. But not married. It’s a surprise, but a happy one, and it forces you and your partner onto the relationship fast-track. You’ve got to set up a nursery, but first, you’ve got to start living together! There’s just one thing: if you’re like many couples, you might be sure you want the baby, but a little less sure you want a husband or wife in the deal.

You’re wealthy. Your significant other isn’t. Even if you’re head over heels, moving in together is a decision that could easily turn out to be as much about money as love.

You’re a non-conformist. You don’t believe in marriage, but you know you’ve found your life partner. You’re ready to do a commitment ceremony, buy a house, have kids, and grow old together, but you just don’t want the state involved.

There are all kinds of circumstances that lead a couple to live together without being married, these are just a few of them. And though every couple who lives together may have a different set of reasons for doing so, they all have one thing in common: they’re taking certain risks – legal and financial, (not to mention emotional) -- as a result. But armed with some good information, and a willingness to put all your cards on the table – even if you’re already sharing that table with the man or woman you love – you can protect yourself from this day forward.

COHABITATION AGREEMENTS

Roughly speaking, what a pre-nup is to marriage, a cohabitation agreement is to living together. A cohabitation agreement is just what it sounds like: a legally binding agreement about what will happen should the relationship break down. It can cover anything from mortgages, inheritances, pensions, and debts, to child support, property rights, your favorite matched set of lamps and who gets the dog.

The idea of cohabitation agreements first came to national attention in the 1970s, when Hollywood actor Lee Marvin got sued for palimony by his long-time live-in lover Michele Triola. The landmark case dragged through the courts for years, ultimately ending when a California judge decided Triola had no claim without a contract. The cohabitation agreement was born. 

These days cohabitation agreements are not just for the rich or famous. It is becoming more and more common for everyday couples, whether with or without the help of a lawyer, to prepare a binding legal contract that details the manner in which the couple's separate and community property will be distributed, should the partnership end.

Family law attorney Jared Laskin of Orange County, Calif., says the following people “absolutely need a cohabitation agreement”:

1.  A high-net-worth individual living with a low-earner, low-net-worth individual.
2.  Someone giving up a job or other opportunities to be with the other person based on the other person's promises.
3.  Parties who are going to buy a house together but who are putting title in one person's name for one reason or another.

Exactly what that agreement should cover is as individual as the couple who signs it, says Leejanice Toback, a senior litigator in family law practicing in Long Beach, Calif. “For instance, if he is moving into her home or she into his - will there be contribution to bills, how much, on what basis?  If they are going to be renting a place together and there is a breakup, is one partner going to be left with an expense that he/she can't handle?” Everything should be worked out in advance.

The time to get a cohabitation agreement, not surprisingly, is before you move in, when you’re presumably still in love, advises Toback. “Once that blush is gone,” the attorney says, couples “may become adversaries, and the fight is draining and expensive.”

Laskin agrees. “The reality is that most people in living-together relationships break up, and the party holding the assets isn't eager to write a big check to someone he or she no longer loves and may no longer even like.”

BEATING THE ODDS

According to a 2000 study published in the Annual Review of Sociology, 55 percent of all cohabitating couples got married in five years’ time, and the other 40 percent broke up.

Fears about protecting oneself before moving in are not something many people talk about openly. But check into the world of online message boards, and you’ll find all kinds of hand-wringing around cohabitating.  Here’s a typical example, from a woman in Minnesota: “This guy I really like has debts. He doesn't want to get married, and I am okay with living with him. How do I protect my assets and stay independent of this guy's debts so I am not financially responsible? Thank you in advance for any constructive advice.” This woman has the right idea, but let’s hope she went beyond an internet message board for legal advice!

But if she didn’t, she’s certainly not alone. Many couples go apartment-hunting, sign a lease, and pick out paint colors without digging deep into topics such as money and property, much less getting something in writing. The reason, attorneys say, is simple: they either don’t think they need an agreement, or they don’t want to know if they do.