The contentious process of litigated divorce forced one attorney to re-evaluate his part in it.  He decided to take his divorce practice out of the courtroom. “I always saw myself in a helping profession. I wasn’t helping anybody. I wasn’t helping the client, I wasn’t helping myself. I just stopped taking those cases,” said Michael Stokamer, an attorney in private practice in New York and New Jersey.           

He was frustrated that no one was satisfied by the ends results of the traditional divorce process – not even himself.  “What made me switch, it just wasn’t working at the end of the process, nobody was happy,” he said. He couldn’t make his clients happy, and they were frustrated with the bills and negotiations. In the end, “the results were usually shoved down people’s throats by pressure,” from attorneys and judges, he said.

So he quit the courtroom and began practicing collaborative divorce and mediation in his company Divorce Mediation Solutions. It is there that he helps couples divorce in a respectful, non-threatening atmosphere, he said. The change is what he needed, he said. “I feel like I am doing a great service to my client and to my client’s family,”  Stokamer said.  “I feel like I am doing something worthwhile.”            


ASSEMBLING A COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE TEAM  

Collaborative divorce is a process in which a team gathers to help a couple dissolve their marriage. The team consists of an attorney to guide the legal negotiations, a financial specialist to consult on the financial divisions, a mental health professional to help the couple through the emotions of the divorce and a child specialist to help ensure that the process, including custody negotiations are conducted in a way that is healthy and supportive of the children involved.

Both spouses must commit to the process in the beginning if collaborative divorce is going to work, said Susan Hansen, an attorney in private practice at Hansen and Hildebrand S.C. in Wisconsin and the past president of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals. “I think that anyone who wants to try and work toward a healthy outcome for themselves and their family can benefit from collaborative divorce,”  Hansen said.