You’ve decided to file for divorce or your spouse has. It’s emotionally tough to reach a place where you believe you have no other choice but to end a relationship you thought would last forever. In the middle of the chaos and confusion of uncoupling, there are some steps you should consider as you move through this difficult time. Any of these can be done before or after you speak with your partner about beginning the process of divorce.    

No two relationships are the same and so, neither are the steps if you are considering getting out of one. But here are a few things to consider during this time:

1.  CONSIDER YOUR APPROACH.
If you have not talked with your spouse yet about a divorce, consider what you will say  and how you will discuss this in a way that makes you feel safe. Be calm and discussion your decision in a way that does the least amount of emotional damage to you, your partner and your children, if you have them. Be prepared and have an overnight bag and a place to stay if the discussion becomes heated and you must leave the home immediately. If you are in an abusive situation, please seek professional help to advise you. (For more information on this topic, please look for the Information Center on the Home Page and click on Abuse Help.) 

2. A PLACE TO LIVE, A BUDGET AND OTHER DETAILS FOR SEPARATING.
Consider where you, your partner – and your children if you have them -- will live. Make a plan that includes that information and a budget to make it happen. Whether you have a salary or don’t, you will need to put together a working budget of your weekly, monthly and yearly expenses to make certain you can afford your living arrangements. If you are a spouse who is not working, you may want to consider a job -- do not count on financial support. And if you are a spouse who makes the majority of the money, regardless of gender, make certain you understand what your financial commitments to your former spouse or your children may be once a divorce is final. Read more about separating...

3.  CONSIDER A POST OFFICE BOX.
 If you are moving to another home, consider opening a post office box so that you will not lose any important paperwork in the mail. Also, if you haven’t spoken with your spouse or filed yet, this is a good place for your legal documents to be sent so they will be secure.   

4. STAY SINGLE.
Do not start a new relationship yet. If you have already, consider putting this aspect of your life on hold until after the paperwork is complete. Depending on the family law in your state, a relationship outside of your marriage, no matter when it began, can become a point of contention during the formal divorce process. Note that in a state where this is an issue, any e-mail, notes, computer records, phone calls, bills or even record of your E-Z Pass can be used in a legal proceeding in an at-fault state to prove infidelity. And with upheaval in your world, you may want to avoid this emotional commitment for a number of reasons, including potential legal ones. Read more tips for newly singles...