HOW TO TELL OTHERS ABOUT YOUR DIVORCE

Whether you're planning a divorce party or simply explaining to friends, here are eight ways to help.

1. If you decide to e-mail others about it, make sure that you don't overdo the number of recipients.  
When Emory University professor Dominic Thomas announced that his divorce was finalized via e-mail, he narrowed down the list from colleagues and all the people he knew to only the people who would care. "To me, it was people I was more closely acquainted with," he says.

2. Realize that public announcements, like mass e-mailing or a divorce party, aren't right for everyone. 
"If you have a small circle of friends, when it comes up, you could just tell people individually," social worker Ron Summers says.

3. Decide who you should and shouldn't share the facts with.  
"If it's just an acquaintance, it's OK to say, 'This person doesn't need to know anything.' But if it's a friend, you might tell them a little bit more," says Summers. "Deal with it case by case. You wouldn't notify everybody."

4. If you don't want to tell someone when asked how your marriage is doing, don't.
"You could dodge the questions by not answering or saying 'Just fine,'" Summers says.

5. If the person is someone you don't mind telling, then don't hold back.
"If you're comfortable, and that's what's happening in your life, you should be straight forward about it," says divorce educator Kristy Dustin.

6. But hold back the embarrassing details.
When discussing your divorce with others, skip past blaming your ex to telling the news. "Don't point fingers," Dustin says. "Go straight into the story."

7. Make sure to tell your children first, Dustin says. 
"If there are children involved, both parents should talk to them before anyone else knows. The children should be the first to know so they don't have to hear it from an outside source."

8. Realize that there is not one set way to tell people. 
You should do what feels best.  "Everybody is at their own comfort level.  I would just be as honest as you're comfortable with," Dustin says.

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