As a society, it seems, we have cheating on our minds. In recent years, famous cheaters have included Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Bill Cosby, Jack Welch, Prince Charles, Frank Gifford, Kobe Bryant, Paula Zahn, Brad Pitt, David Beckham, Gary Condit, Rudy Giuliani, Newt Gingrich, and a randy group of Desperate Housewives. Has adultery been mainstreamed? Is the concept of ‘forsaking all others until death do you part’ just a quaint relic of an idyllic past that never was?       

To find out, researchers have been investigating the number of marriages affected by infidelity and the resulting statistics vary widely. A University of Chicago study found that in any given year, four to six percent of marriages experience infidelity, with 25 percent of all marriages affected by the pain adultery sometime during the life of the marriage. The University of Michigan’s General Social Survey discovered that 15 percent of those who were married at the time of survey had had at least one other partner besides their spouse.       
 
After reviewing 25 studies, the late psychologist Shirley Glass, known as "the godmother of infidelity research," concluded that 44 percent of husbands and 25 percent of wives had broken their marriage vows. Although the studies point to between 15 and 44 percent, no one really knows how many marriages have been affected by adultery. “These figures are hard to research because there is so much secrecy,” said Dr. Don-David Lusterman, author of “Infidelity: A Survivor’s Guide.” Whatever the actual figure is, it’s fair to say that a significant percentage of American marriages have been affected by the pain of infidelity.


SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME


Discovering their spouse has gone outside the marriage for sexual or emotional fulfillment often makes the betrayed spouse ask, “What’s wrong with me?” While a sense of failure is common among betrayed spouses, researchers have discovered that the conventional wisdom that affairs are about inadequacies in the spouse or failures in the marriage is often wrong. One of Dr. Glass’ findings, based on her clinical research in Baltimore, Md., was that the majority of men who have affairs characterized their marriages, including their sex life, as ‘‘happy’’ or ‘‘very happy.’’    

"I'm not saying that a bad marriage won't make you vulnerable [to an affair]," Dr. Glass wrote in her 2003 book, “NOT Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal.” "I'm saying that's not the only thing that can make you vulnerable. A lot of people who see themselves as loving and devoted can find themselves in this dilemma.”       
 
Living in the midst of a media culture that celebrates sex without commitment or consequence sends a message that everyone is doing it, so why not? Our children are especially vulnerable to this message. A RAND Corporation study published in the September 2004 issue of Pediatrics found that sex on television strongly influences youth between the ages of 12-17 to have sex. The kids who watched the most sex were almost twice as likely to engage in sexual activities as the kids who watched the least amount.

With Nielsen statistics showing that Desperate Housewives is the most popular broadcast network program for kids age 9-12, the cultural message being passed down to our children is that cheating is an everyday experience. So, while people may wish to be loving and devoted to their spouses, there is less and less cultural support to consider monogamy as part of that loving devotion.