Dr. Romance’s four simple steps to create a successful marriage.
1. Talk frequently and honestly to each other.
Share your ideas and issues about sex, about anger, about disappointment, about your appreciation of each other, about the meaning of life, about everything. Regular talks about what’s going on in the relationship mean problems; resentment and frustration don’t get a chance to build. Every member of your family has a right to his or her opinion. Understanding what your child or spouse wants doesn’t mean you agree, but your child should know why you’re overriding his or her preferences. Regular family meetings -- where everyone including the children expresses feelings, negative and positive, and all of you work together to solve problems – help you develop teamwork.
2. Create partnership.Strive to work together to solve anything that comes up and learn to be a team, a partnership. Don't get stuck on who's right or wrong. Instead, focus on what will solve the problem. If you focus on solutions instead of criticizing, you can have fun coming up with creative ideas. Use your business communication skills when solving problems.
3. Keep your connection going.Frequent communication, sex, affection, touching, understanding and concern for each other will keep the ‘juice’ flowing in your marriage, and keep it from getting stale. Brief separations will help you remember how important your connection is.
4. Be positive.
Have a sense of humor, give each other the benefit of the doubt, care about each other. Laugh together as much as possible, and don’t forget to appreciate each other. Motivation to stay together comes from appreciation and celebration.
Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She's authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids." She can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.
