Dear Lisa:           

I am a recently divorced, single mother of two girls. My ex relocated, with his girlfriend, approximately 2,000 miles away. It makes for difficult “every other weekend” arrangements. Needless to say, the girls see their father maybe four or five days a year, not even worth calling a stepfamily. This makes it difficult for me as well. I would like to go back to school, figure out what I want to do when I grow up, and I don't really even know where to begin.            

I would like to switch careers, go back to school and still be the best mom ever. So many questions: How do I go about finding night classes with financing (one income is tough!) and still be able to work full time to support living and the girls’ many passions (gymnastics, etc.). I still feel young enough to start over but honestly am a little afraid.             

Help.             

M             

    
Dear M:             

I admire you for having so many important goals and understand that you may be a little scared. I honestly think it will be tough to tackle all these goals instantly. It’s important to consider the welfare of your children. If you start working full time and going to night school, how would they be affected? Are they accustomed to having you around? How would you ever see them? I wonder if it would be possible for you to work part-time and go to school part-time. Could you work from home?

Also, can your ex-husband help pay for daycare and kids’ activities in any way? Have you asked him to help? Do you have any family members who might be willing to loan you money to help you while your kids are young?

I think one of the most important resources for single mothers is good childcare. If your children are young and haven’t been in daycare yet, I suggest a daycare arrangement I used when I was a single mom (and still use): sharing a nanny with people in your neighborhood. It’s a great way to network with your neighbors, create a sense of community and provide good-quality daycare in your own home or neighborhood. For more information, read this article: www.stepfamilyadvice.com/nannyshare.htm.          

Also, I hope you consider networking with other single moms. They can support you and give you ideas about how to pursue your goals. One resource is www.makinglemonade.com, a single parent Web site. Be patient and take your time. Remember that your children won’t be young forever. Don’t take on too much. It’s so easy to get burnt out as a single mom (This advice comes from someone who’s been there.) 

Lisa